Earlier this week, I went for a drink with one of my dearest friends and we sat in a bar, making a list of the things we want to do together in 2018. It was - and this is not hyperbole - one of the loveliest moments I've had this year.
Some people hate making plans. There are endless memes to be found in all corners of the internet, equating plans to "obligations" which people then feel a sudden need to wriggle out of. I have rarely been someone who feels constricted by having a plan to stick to. I'm ridiculously organised. For me, a plan is bloody marvellous.
But it was more than just my love of organisation that made me so happy, that afternoon in the pub. It was the knowledge that I was sitting with someone who wants to make plans to hang out with me many times over. It was the excitement of thinking about the fun things we both wanted to do in the coming weeks and months. It was a way of ensuring that I have the kick up the bum I need to keep on getting out there and doing things.
We all have times in our lives when we just don't feel like doing much. When depression, stress or anxiety causes us to dread venturing any further from our duvets than is absolutely necessary. When the black dog has you firmly in its grip, the last thing you might be inclined to do is go out and take part in any kind of social activity. Those are the times when pre-arranged plans feel like millstones around your neck. The thought of having to force a smile onto your face and somehow muster up the energy to do more than binge-watch a TV show can be difficult to contemplate.
But, on the other hand, looking forward to something can be a way of lifting yourself out of the doldrums. Having a reason to get up and out of the house can have a hugely positive impact on your mental wellbeing. Just taking your mind off whatever's getting you down can be incredibly helpful. After all, if we constantly dwell on the same thing for long enough, we start making it bigger than it needs to be and before long, it starts to harm us. Taking some time out can even clear your mind just enough for you to be able to find a practical solution to the problem when you come back to it, later.
For me, sitting with my friend and making plans for the last few weeks of 2017 and well into 2018 made me realise how much I have to look forward to. A day out with another couple of friends yesterday, in which we also made some pretty major plans for next year, had the same effect.
When I think back to the start of this year, when I was depressed, struggling to make plans for something I'd been really excited about, only to have it cancelled, it's hard to imagine a more different place from where I am, now. I may not end up doing everything I talked about with friends, next year. But even if I do half of it, I know that I have a whole lot to be excited about.
For me, making plans has been that last little step I needed to take, in order to get my mental health back on track. Something as simple as "hey, do you fancy doing *insert thing here* next weekend?" was, as it turned out, all I needed to make me realise that my world is full of amazing people, good friends and positive experiences. And making plans for more of that can only be a good thing.
So, here's to making plans and having things to look forward to. Life is short, after all. Let's go out there and live it.
The above image appeared in my Twitter timeline this morning and, sweet as it is, I couldn't help but think it was a bit... Much. Sure, it's an ideal, but it's a rather sugary one. I'm very lucky, in that I have an amazing best friend and a very close group of special friends I refer to as "my girls" (what was it I was just saying about being too "sugary"? Whoops...), but this A-Z just doesn't seem to describe us, properly. So, I figured it needed updating to cover all modern, realistic friendships. Because as much as everything on this list is definitely important for a long-lasting friendship, it doesn't get into the nitty-gritty of being besties in reality. Real life isn't a Hallmark card, after all. So, here's my A-Z of friendship, inspired by my best friend Lydia and the rest of my "girls" - Kirstie, Lizzie and Kate.
Antagonism.
Friendship isn't about being 100% in agreement, 100% of the time. You know who your real friends are, if you can rile each other up like crazy when you have opposing views, yet still find a way to respect one another's different opinions and carry on being buddies. And of course, if it's really trivial things that you disagree on, such as whether or not a band are any good, or how a TV show should have ended, good friends can't help winding each other up on purpose, sometimes. It's all part of that whole "I mock you because I love you" thing that happens when you get very close to another human.
Bodily functions.
Oh, come on. The day you can burp or fart in front of a friend in complete knowledge that they're just going to laugh it off, is the day you know you're onto a winner.
Crushes.
The best kinds of friends are the ones who tell you that of course you could get the object of your affections! They encourage you to go for it and if it works out, they're genuinely happy for you. If it doesn't, they'll give you chocolate and let you mope and cry on their shoulders. And hey, if your crush is a celebrity, your best friend will send you gifs of that celebrity looking particularly gorgeous whenever you feel upset. Or, at least, that's what my best friend does...
He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and other, more adult adjectives.
Dream big dreams.
Yes, I'm agreeing with the incredibly sentimental A-Z above, with this one. My best friends all fully support my writing dreams, even though they all know how hard it is to make it in a creative industry. Likewise, I know my best friend has the potential to be an amazingly successful YouTuber and it's her ultimate goal. so I will support her forever in achieving it.
Encouraging one another's shared fandoms...
There is nothing like the joy of sharing a fandom with your friends. My friend Kirstie and I are Manics gig buddies for life and we love nothing more than seeing "our boys" together. Lydia and I share a ridiculously deep love for Dan and Phil. It means we can spend an entire afternoon watching YouTube videos together and it's the BEST thing EVER. Having someone close who shares your passion for something is an awesome feeling and it can even strengthen your friendship.
Flirting.
Platonic flirtation is one of my favourite parts of a close friendship, because it's utterly hilarious and makes outsiders wonder what the heck is going on. If this isn't an aspect of any of your friendships, it goes a bit like this:
Me: "Does this dress look okay on me?"
Bestie: "Phwoar, yeah. You look hot. I would."
And then we both giggle because we find ourselves so damn funny.
When we giggle, we look like this. Only *slightly* more youthful. But only slightly.
Getting the giggles.
Seriously, giggling with your friends is paramount to the survival of your relationship. If you're not laughing, you're doing something wrong. There are few things more hilarious to me than when my best friend gets such a bad case of the giggles that she can't speak unless she says one...word...at...a...time, with...pauses...between...each...word...for...laughter.
Hating the same people.
This is not something you absolutely MUST have in a friendship, but it provides a common sense of unity. Mention a certain hugely famous YouTuber who steals stuff from other people and passes it off as his own, and my best friend and I will combust with rage. And on a more realistic level, if someone has hurt your friend, letting them know that you are as angry as they are about it can only strengthen your bond. It's a kind of "cross my friend and you also cross me" type deal.
Insults.
If there is one sure-fire way to know that your friendship is truly real, it's the knowledge that you can utterly insult one another and not be offended. When my best friend and I aren't pretending we fancy the heck out of each other, we're slagging each other off. BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP.
I must remember to use this one.
Jumping to one another's defence.
I don't care who you are, how much bigger or stronger than me you might be, if you pick on any of my friends, you will unleash my feisty Greek side. So, for your own safety, just don't upset any of them. Ever.
Killing an entire day doing absolutely nothing.
Sitting with a really good friend, having a cuppa and talking about everything and nothing all at once for literally hours on end? Sign of a pretty solid relationship, if you ask me.
Love you no matter what.
Yeah, I'm keeping this one from the sugary list, too. A good friend doesn't just ditch you because you haven't been in touch for a while, or because you disagreed on something trivial. A good friend loves you, even if you're a bit of an idiot, because you're theiridiot.
Making memories.
Yes, "memories" were mentioned on the above list, too. It's hard to come up with an entirely unique A-Z, okay?! The fact is, memories don't have to come from big, exciting trips you've taken, together (although that's a pretty awesome way to make them); they can come from something really trivial, like a shared moment of total awkwardness in a public place. Which, to be fair, is where a lot of mine come from...
Nicknames.
My friend Kirstie sometimes refers to me as Emmykins. This is officially the cutest thing in the world.
Obscure references and in-jokes.
My best friend and I had a Skype chat the other day, in which a good five minutes of conversation time was taken up by us both hysterically laughing at a shoe. A SHOE. None of our other friends would understand the significance (or hilarity) of said shoe, but it had us almost crying with laughter. My friend Lizzie and I laugh at the word "so," if it's said in a certain way. It's those little in-jokes and references that can make a friendship feel special.
Putting up with stuff, because it means a lot to your friend.
My friend Lizzie is not a Manics fan. In July, she's coming with me to a Manics gig, because she knows I adore them and her sister, my usual gig buddy, can't make it. Likewise, my best friend is a big Kanye West fan. I... Am very much not. But when we go on long car trips together, she knows she doesn't even have to ask before she puts Kanye on. Why? Because she's my friend and God damnit, I will tolerate Kanye for her.
Queuing for stuff.
If there's a Manics gig, Kirstie and I will make damn sure we queue to get to the front. If Lizzie and I want the best seats at Centre Stage when we go to Butlin's, we'll start queuing early. If Lydia and I... Oh, you get the point. Basically, if we know it means something to us, we're prepared to be very British about getting what we want. This one is, admittedly, probably specific to my friendships, but I stand by it.
Reminding each other of the importance of your friendship.
Okay, so this is a soppy one, but I am BIG lover of "I love you." Why should we only say it to family members and romantic partners? Don't we love our friends?! I try to regularly remind all of my closest friends of how special they are to me, because they absolutely are.
My bestie and I even have our friendship promises inked on ourselves.
Sheer stupidity.
If you can't completely let go of your inhibitions and be utterly silly around your best mates, then you're doing friendship wrong.
Talking stuff through.
The only times my closest friends and I tend to fall out is when one of us is keeping something in, rather than sharing how we feel. Letting stuff out ensures that trivial issues don't get brooded over until they turn into massive problems. So, even if it seems silly, if there's something bugging you in your friendship, TALK ABOUT IT.
Understanding when your friend isn't themselves.
A good friend recognises when you're feeling a bit low from talking to you. A great friend can tell something's up just by the tone of your tweets, or your responses to text messages. Part of fostering a really great friendship is knowing what makes one another tick. Picking up on unspoken clues as to when your friend is a little down ensures that you're always there for them when they need you, even if they're not the type to ask.
Verbal AND non-verbal communication.
My closest friends and I can speak volumes with a single glance. Sometimes, friendship is about knowing what's in someone's head so well that you don't even need words to express what you're both thinking.
Waiting for the storm to pass.
Sometimes, life throws us a curve ball. The relationship we were so excited about six months ago could become abusive and leave us in huge emotional turmoil. The job we thought was for life could disappear due to budget cuts. Real friendship is about sticking by someone during their darkest hour and not only being there when things are going well.
X-rated conversation.
I'm told that roughly 75% of my anecdotes are preceded with the words "this might be too much information, but..." From weird sex dreams, to bodily functions, no subject should be off limits in a really close friendship.
Youthful outlook/mature view.
Our friends keep us young, when they encourage us to embrace our silly side and have fun. But they can also help us to view ourselves through mature eyes when needed. A really good friend knows exactly when you need to grow up a bit and when to encourage you to unleash your inner child.
Zooming to your side when you need them.
When you need a friend, a good one will always try to be there for you, even if they can't literally zoom to your side. They'll be there with a text to let you know that they're thinking of you, or they'll call you so you can talk it all out. Friendship is about support and the best friends do that constantly and unquestioningly.
There we are. The very modern, less mushy, slightly more realistic A-Z of friendship.
And on a totally unrelated note...
Hey, guess whose latest YouTube video is now up for you to enjoy? Only mine! Woohoo!
So, picture the scene: I'm sitting here, with an Oreo Easter egg by my side, which I'm preparing to stick my face into, when I stumble upon a series of comments on social media that caused me to have one of those "I AM GOING TO HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS" moments.
It's Easter Sunday and, understandably, many people are talking about their Christian faith, today. I completely respect that; it's an important day in the Christian calendar and everyone should have a space to discuss their religious beliefs - that's just a part of freedom of speech and it's vital we hold onto it.
Anyway, I was all prepared to carry on scrolling, like a happy little (Easter) bunny, until I saw a comment that included the word "faithless"and it niggled at me like a stone in my shoe, just big enough to be uncomfortable. This person was referring to non-religious people as being "faithless" (and also to religious people who choose to live by their own rules, rather than following God's, but that's a whole other blog post in itself...) and the use of that word annoyed me, even though I knew that they were specifically referring to a lack of religious faith, rather than a lack of faith in general.
"Faith" is a word that we often apply to religion, with good reason. But it has more than one meaning. I am agnostic - I don't know whether God exists, or whether there's an afterlife or anything like that, but I'm not prepared to entirely rule it out, by referring to myself as an atheist. I believe that a guy named Jesus existed and I think he probably tried to teach some good stuff in his time, but whether or not he was the son of God is another matter entirely. So, I call myself an agnostic. What I do not call myself, is "faithless."
"Faithless" joke, because HAHAHAHA, hilarious.
I may not have faith in the classic, religious sense. But I have faith, all the same. To me, "faith" means putting your trust in something and that doesn't have to refer to a Deity of any kind. I know other agnostics - and atheists - who are equally strong in their alternative faiths. I also know a lot of wonderful religious folk who would never dream of assuming that just because people like me don't necessarily have faith in God,that it therefore means that we don't have faith in anything.
But that one comment caused an uncomfortable itch that just had to be scratched. Because the sad fact is that there will always be some people who believe that religious faith is the only kind worth having, just as there will always be atheists who believe that religious faith is utter lunacy and who treat believers with contempt as a result. Neither is helpful. People are free to believe or disbelieve as they choose. I choose to sit on the religious fence (again, I could write a whole other blog about what my beliefs are...), but that doesn't mean that my life is devoid of any faith, whatsoever.
So, in the spirit of today - a day in which light triumphs over darkness and hope reigns supreme, let me answer that stranger who referred to non-religious people as "faithless," by telling you some of the things I have faith in...
I have faith in love - in all its many forms.
STILL SLAYS ME LIKE BUFFY EVERY TIME.
Yes, I'm single. Yes, my last relationship was abusive. But yes, I believe in love and I always will. Love has an incredible power to heal and strengthen us. Just a hug from a friend can make the world a brighter place. An act of kindness by a family member can remind us that we're not going through life completely alone. Love can make us bolder, braver and better as people, when we choose to show it, rather than keeping it to ourselves. Love, in a world where people hurt one another, where wars rage and where sometimes hope seems in low supply, can be a beacon of light, bursting through the dark. I believe in giving love to those around us, accepting the love that exists in our lives - in whatever form it takes - and cherishing that love above all else. My faith in love will never die, because love itself never does. Relationships may fail and friendships may falter, but love on a grander scale will exist eternally. In the words of Marvin Gaye,"only love can conquer hate." It's still true. It will always be true.
I have faith in people.
They say that people will always let you down, but people are capable of greatness. For every time a person commits an atrocity, you need only look to the other, better people, reacting to that atrocity by seeing what they can do to help. There are good people in this world; people who dedicate their lives to making things better for others. People who campaign, people who stand up against hate and people who make the world a brighter place, just by being themselves. Despite the many times I say "ugh, I hate people" (and sadly, it is a common phrase...), I still believe in humanity. I believe that together, people are stronger and that when we join forces to create a community against evil, we prove that humanity is worth keeping faith in.
On a smaller, more personal scale, I believe in the people around me. I mentioned before that I have faith in love and that's in no small part due to the people who show me it, every single day. My family and my closest friends will always help me when I need it. They will always encourage me and want to share in the good things that happen in my life, as well as support me through the bad times. I mean, really, they actually know me, warts and all, and they still want me around - if that's not worth having faith in, nothing is.
I have faith in the people I choose to keep closest to me, because they've proved themselves time and again to be worth that faith. I just hope they have as much faith in me and that I always prove that faith justified.
I have faith in following a dream.
You have to have faith in your dreams and aspirations. If you don't, how are you supposed to chase them? That was kind of an unintentional poem - feel free to put it on a t-shirt.
I believe in my biggest goals in life. I have faith - even when it's hard to keep - that pursuing those goals will one day lead to success. When I check my blog hits and see that a post I spent hours on has only been read 50 times, sure I get a bit downhearted. But when I check another one and see that it's been read 5000 times, I remind myself that I'm doing my best and I haven't given up, despite the knock-backs. And that knowledge is enough to make me stronger.
Reaching for our goals and chasing our dreams is the only way to move forwards with positivity. If you want something badly enough, you have to go for it. Sure, some of my dreams are downright silly, but what is life without those silly dreams? And hey, Phil Lester tweeted me the other day. DREAMS CAN COME TRUE, GUYS.
Although that's just step one in my many dreams, regarding him...
And finally... I have faith in ME.
For example, I had faith that I could eat this massive breakfast.
AND I DID.
I am a survivor. I've been hurt, cheated on, lied to and abused. But I'm here to talk to you about it and to tell you it's possible to go through all of those things and not be broken forever by them. I'm stronger than I ever knew and I've never lost my belief in love, or my faith in people, despite the stuff I've been through. I know who I am, what I believe in and what I want out of life. I try to be a good friend and a kind person. I try to think about how my actions affect other people. I may not be perfect - far from it - but I'm trying.
Having faith in yourself is possibly the most important kind of faith. After all, you're going to live with yourself your whole life, so you may as well believe in the person you are. Trust your choices, listen to your heart and your head and be honest enough to admit when you've made a mistake, so that you can learn from it.
Have faith in who you are and try to make that person someone good. Not because a God might be watching, or because a religious text tells you to. But for yourself and everyone around you.
When you really think about it, there are plenty of things to have faith in. Plenty of things to hold onto, when we need something we can truly believe in. Whatever you choose to have faith in - be it religion, or something else entirely - is equally valid. A person's faith is just that - personal.
I have faith, this Easter Sunday. I hope - no matter what form it takes - that you do, too.
So, I'm writing this blog, right? And then you're going to read it (all three of you) via the magic of THE INTERNET. That fact is something I take for granted every single day, when actually, it's pretty bloody mindblowing. The fact that I can waffle on for a few thousand words about whatever random nonsense is occupying the space where my brain should be and then post it online, to be shared with other living, breathing humans all over the freaking world is absolutely incredible.
I grew up in a largely Internet-less era. I don't remember even having any kind of access to it at home until maybe 1997, when I was 14 going on 15 and was super-astounded by the ease at which perverts could ask me for my age, sex and location (not creepy at all, guys). Back then, it was this shiny new thing that was supposed to be used primarily for communication and homework.
Nowadays, we use the Internet for literally everything. If we have a nagging question we don't know the answer to, we Google it. If we need to buy something but can't be bothered to leave the house, we order it online. Everything you can imagine, from listening to music and watching films, to actually meeting the love of your life can be done via the Internet. That's utterly insane.
Much can be said about the darker side of the World Wide Web. Online bullying is a very real problem and some people hide behind their screens, flinging metaphorical shit at anyone unfortunate enough to cross their virtual path (a subject dealt with rather magnificently by the rather magnificent Dan Howell in his The Internet Is Mean video). I've experienced it myself, so I definitely know what it's like to receive death threats, rape threats and general abuse from total strangers based on nothing but my opinion of a book or film (same title for both - guess which?!). You can't talk about the Internet without discussing the negative side, so let's get that out of the way...
Okay, so I've met horrible people, online. I won't even go into it too much, because hot damn it's a mess. I can definitely understand why some people get taken in by a convincing manipulator, making out that they're someone they're not. It may never have happened to me in a romantic sense (although I've experienced the weirder side of the Internet that way, too - and blogged about it, naturally), but in the "hey, we should be BFFs" sense, for sure.
The Internet is creepy at times, the sheer variety of porn available is ridiculous and unfortunately, the freedom to speak freely can be enjoyed by people whose opinions are more gross than that moment when your friend pronounces a "p" really violently and spits on your face.
I like big buts and I cannot lie.
But for all the weirdness and creepiness of the web, I still think it's quite frankly one of the greatest and most life-changing inventions ever. I mean, up there with penicillin and all that shizzle.
Think about it. If the Internet didn't exist, I would be sitting here, with all these ridiculous thoughts in my head and nowhere to express them in a whimsical fashion. There would be no YouTube, which would mean I would not be having the hysterically funny conversation I am currently having with my best friend, regarding our favourite YouTubers, Dan and Phil.
Even more importantly, I wouldn't have a best friend in the first place. See, my best friend was someone I met online. I discovered that she was local (well, an hour away) and set about being hilarious and brilliant on an Internet forum, so that she'd liked me. One wedding invite later and a friendship was born. I had previous, to be fair; my much-loved friend Kirstie was also "found" on an Internet forum and I did the exact same thing with her. Basically, if I'm extra nice to you online, I am plotting on adding you to my friend-collection. I'm not a stalker, I promise.
But this IS the face I pull when I find a new friend, online.
The thing is, for all the bad, creepy stuff going on, the Internet can be a powerful force for good. Communities like YouTube or Blogger give people a platform from which to air their views and the freedom to be themselves, or simply provide somewhere for them to discover people who are likeminded, if they're not quite up to producing their own content, yet. Places like Twitter allow us to connect with all kinds of different people. Time and time again, the Internet has proven that when you think you're alone in your thinking, or even alone full stop, there will always be someone to prove you wrong and take your corner. For every troll, there's a passionate activist. For every bully, there's someone who's part of the same fandom as you and wants to squee obsessively over the shape of your favourite pop star's arm. And for every creepy Internet weirdo, there's... Well, another one, because they're literally everywhere. But don't let that put you off.
Imagine a world without the Internet. A world in which you had to rely on snail mail if you wanted to write to a friend overseas. A world in which you couldn't just cheat and ask Google the answer to literally any question. A world in which cats looked grumpy and all you could do is take a photo and show it to your friends in the hope that they laughed.
A world in which you couldn't make gifs like this:
I regret NOTHING.
And now, having written this little love letter to the World Wide Web, I'm going to post in on the... Well, you know. Who knows, maybe reading it will make someone chuckle. That's the power of the Internet. You put something out there and it can create a ripple that spreads further than you ever imagine. And that of course has the capacity to be either a good or a bad thing.
So, make your ripples online positive ones. Mmm, positive ripples. Someone's going to turn that into a euphemism. I mean, this is the Internet.
Yes, that's me. No, I didn't make it over that pole.
I love Christmas. For me, it's a wonderful, heartwarming time of year, to be spent with family and friends. I love the guilt-free pigging out that we all do. I love the fact that it's socially acceptable to be tipsy on Bucks Fizz at ten thirty in the morning. I love the evenings spent gathered around the telly, watching the soaps, whilst we attempt to digest the year's biggest roast dinner (and still we open a tube of Pringles, because "IT'S CHRISTMAS!").
What I'm much less keen on is the cost. Because for me, being in a fairly low-paid job, getting into a financial knot over the festive period has become almost as inevitable as crying over the seasonal John Lewis advert.
He was a penguin who found LOVE. Of COURSE I wept.
So, this year, I've become one of those people. You know, the really irritating ones who post on Facebook "well, that's all my Christmas shopping done!" at some point in September. The ones so smug, you sort of want to dollop brandy butter on their heads (but you wouldn't, because damnit, what a waste of brandy butter that would be... Mmmm, brandy butter).
It's not quite mid October and I have not finished my Christmas shopping. So, you can put away your festive condiments; my smugness has not yet reached hair-smothering levels. That said, out of my four closest friends, two are completely bought for. I've also made lists for my parents (and crossed two big items for my dad off already) and for my sister and her partner. I've split said lists into things to be ordered sooner and items that can wait until closer to the big day. Put simply: I'm spreading the cost of Christmas to make it a damn sight easier on me than it has been in previous years.
Yes, yes, I know it's not about the money you spend. Of course it isn't. One of the gifts I'm going to be buying for my best friend costs under a tenner and I'm certain she'll be thrilled with it. And that's another part of my grand plan this year - shopping around and buying things when they're on offer, or hunting for a last-minute bargain are great ways to make my wallet a little happier as we approach the festive season.
I almost wish I hadn't mentioned this, because now it's all I can think of...
Essentially, Christmas - in my eyes at least - is a time to be spent with the people you care most for, eating, drinking and generally being merry. I am an annoyingly sentimental and enthusiastic lover of all things festive and knowing that I'm actually managing to spread the cost of presents and therefore reducing the level of "oh my GOD, how will I pay my bills in January?!" is only going to make me even happier, as December inches ever closer.
And I'm not writing this to be smug. Seriously, I have a lot still to buy and I'll be doing that little last-minute dance in and out of shops on Christmas Eve, because frankly, I enjoy that. I love the cold chill on my cheeks and the sense of expectation in the air as I stroll the streets, looking for one or two final gifts to fill my stockings with. Not my stockings, but... Oh, there's a mental image you'll never get out of your head. Sorry about that.
Basically, I'm writing this for two reasons. Firstly, because if there's anyone else out there who's on a strict budget and panicking a little about how they'll afford Christmas, I want them to know that the thought really does count more than the financial worth of anything you give. Just being with people is one of the most valuable gifts of all and memories last a lot longer than most presents do. And if you do want or need to buy gifts for people, there are definitely ways to make the festive season less of a financial strain. Spread your gift list into three sections marked "October," "November" and "December" and work out a budget for each of those months - then you can spread the cost of buying Christmas presents over the course of several weeks, rather than racking up big bills over a shorter period of time (those people who've finished their Christmas shopping already really might be on to someting...). Spend only what you can afford and shop around for bargains! But please, please don't ever think that expensive presents are what Christmas is really all about and don't get yourself into trouble, trying to buy things you can't afford. I've had Januarys where I've struggled to pay for anything, because I've overspent at Christmas and it really isn't worth it. Much like young kids often play more with the boxes than the toys, my family always treasure the "together-time" we have over the festive period more than anything I've ever bought them. That's the thing to remember, when money is running low and you can't get that extra gift for someone.
Which brings me onto the second reason I wanted to write this little blog. I had a shock earlier this week, when someone I knew passed away very suddenly. He was only middle-aged and had a young family. When I last saw him, he seemed a little under the weather, but his death came as a total shock. Even though he wasn't a close family friend or anything like that, I was still stunned and deeply moved by the news. One of the thoughts I kept having, over and over again, was "he won't be there with his family at Christmas."
We're here. We're here right now. And at the risk of being over-sentimental, that means more than anything else. You can't wrap love up in shiny paper, or stick a bow on the top of it, and it doesn't come with a gift receipt. But it's something we can give - at any time of year - and it means more than anything you can purchase in a shop.
I'm doing well with my Christmas shopping, this year. I've got a budget, I'm sticking to it and I've pretty much got my list of things to buy sorted, for the coming weeks. But more importantly, I've got people to buy things for. My family will be with me on Christmas morning and my friends and I will have our annual pre-Christmas get-together. Regardless of how much or how little I've got to spend this year, I've got Christmas all wrapped up. And I know how bloody lucky that makes me.
Let's take a moment to admire my crazy MS Paint skillz.
I was born in September 1982. When the 90s dawned, I was 7. I had white-blonde curls, big blue eyes and a deep love for Jason Donovan. When the year 2000 came along, I was 17. I was a scrawny thing with unmanageably curly hair, boobs I wished were bigger and a deep love for Richey Edwards from the Manic Street Preachers, because ONLY HE UNDERSTOOD ME, OKAY?!
Or, to put it another way, I did most of my growing up in the 90s (and then a whole lot more growing up in the "noughties," because obviously 17 is not a grown up, however much you think it is at the time...). Lately, there has been a bit of 90s nostalgia on TV and it's really made me appreciate the decade that has such a soft spot in my heart.
You see, I grew up in an era without Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Periscope or anything like that. We didn't have mobile phones. We didn't really even have the Internet in any big way. We had Tamagotchis. We had to wrap our school books in wallpaper or parcel paper for REASONS I NEVER FULLY UNDERSTOOD and we wore double denim with no sense of irony. And we didn't entirely know what irony was, because Alanis Morissette used the word wrong in her song of the same name. Which was ironic, don't ya think?
The nineties were a time of huge personal change, too. By the end of the decade, I had no grandparents left, which was rubbish. But we learn and grow from every negative experience in our lives and in spite of the terribly painful moments I went through, I still have an awful lot of love for the 90s as a general period in time.
Last night, I watched a TV show called The 90s: The Decade That Changed The World and that little bubble of nostalgia that I had been feeling, burst into a desperate longing for a TARDIS, just so I could go back and experience the joy of Take That's last single going to number one, again. Sadly, I don't have a TARDIS. But I do have a blog. So here (in no particular order) are my personal top 5 defining moments of the 90s...
1. Musical Rivalry
Britpop happened in the 90s. And frankly, that was so awesome that I could just end this blog here and tell you to go and search "Britpop classics" on YouTube and BASK IN THE GLORY.
Britpop caused me, as a girl of 12 or 13, to suddenly realise that there was more to music than just boybands. It was a shock to my hormonal system (especially when I realised that Damon Albarn was just as beautiful looking as any boyband member...). Suddenly, although I never gave up entirely on pop (and never will!), I thought of myself as liking "grown up music." Blur, Sleeper, Pulp, Suede, Supergrass, Cast... I even "discovered" the Manic Street Preachers for the first time in the mid 90s and they were a band that changed my whole life.
But music in the 90s was served up with a side-order of rivalry. At the height of Britpop, you had to pick your side; Blur or Oasis. I was - and am - Team Blur. In a school where every boy in my class was very much Team Oasis and I was already being bullied, I didn't exactly help my case by wandering around, singing The Universal over and over to myself. But in the spirit of Britpop, I also didn't give a flying fig.
Of course, I wasn't oblivious to Oasis' musical charms, either. I was obsessed with Don't Look Back In Anger for a long time and it's still a song I absolutely love. But had you asked me in the 90s, I'd have obviously told you that Liam Gallagher was a total nob and that Blur were far superior. If you ask me now... Actually, I think I might say the same...
And it wasn't just Britpop where rivalry between bands was rife. Even in the safe world of 90s boybands, magazines like Smash Hits were determined to make you pick a side:
In the 90s, all our boybands appeared exclusively in black and white...
Yes, if you were a teenage girl in the 90s, you were meant to pick between Take That - five handsome boys from Manchester and Boyzone - five handsome boys from Ireland. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DIFFICULTIES WE FACED.
I was greedy, so I picked both, although Take That were by far my favourite. The number of Take That posters on my walls far outweighed the Boyzone ones, even though I obsessively listened to both Nobody Else by Take That and Said And Done by Boyzone at an almost equal frequency. One of my best friends at the time preferred Boyzone to Take That and so we had a friendly rivalry, in which one of us would explain why the other was so WRONG. Despite the teen mags' efforts, I continued to love Take That and Boyzone, up until Take That split up and the teen mags declared that Boyzone had therefore won and I kind of felt like I had to hate them for a while out of loyalty to Take That. There was logic in there, somewhere. Anyway, my Boyzone hatred only lasted maybe a year or so, before I decided to "forgive" them again, much to my then-friend's relief. And of course, being hormonal teens, we had our favourites from each band. She fancied Gary Barlow from Take That and Ronan Keating from Boyzone. I was always into the little cute ones, so I was in love with Mark Owen from Take That and Stephen Gately from Boyzone. Speaking of which...
...In 1999, Stephen Gately came out as gay. It was one of the first times I'd had a crush on someone who turned out to be gay, but I didn't have a "broken heart" over it, as the papers suggested fans at the time would. I was proud of him - hugely so - for being true to who he was. No, what broke my heart was what happened ten years later, when Stephen died suddenly from a congenital heart defect. he was just 33. The press had a field day before the cause of death was known, claiming that his was a "troubling" death, involving drugs, alcohol and his sexuality. It was no such thing. It was just a tragic twist of fate.
Last night, I discovered that Stephen Gately had been afraid of the dark and didn't like sleeping alone. When Boyzone went on tour, the other band members would take turns to sleep in Stephen's room so that he wouldn't be by himself. On the night before his funeral, the rest of the band carried Stephen's coffin into the church where the service was to be held. And then, with sleeping bags and pillows, they bedded down and slept on the church floor, so that for one last time, they could ensure that Stephen wasn't alone in the dark.
I JUST HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE...
Sleep soundly, Stephen.
2. "Football's Coming Home" (even though it didn't)...
I still pretty much idolise these guys.
Football passed me by for the first half of the 90s. I knew Gazza had cried during Italia 90, but I just didn't get the nation's obsession with the "Beautiful Game." Then Euro 96 happened.
I don't know quite what caused my obsession - maybe I should blame David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and The Lightning Seeds for creating quite probably the greatest football single ever, in Three Lions. But whatever the reason, 13 year old me fell in love with football during Euro 96 and I've never really fallen back out.
Nowadays, we kind of expect England to do badly. But back in the 90s, we had a pretty strong team and hope was high. We had a genuine belief in the team that, sadly, is lacking today.
Euro 96 was going pretty well, too. It was on home turf (that might be another reason I got so into it, actually) and the nation began to hold its breath, thinking maybe, maybe, this time it wouldn't all end in tears.
Then we met Spain in the quarter finals. It was a nail-biting game, which ended in penalties. Any England supporter will be happy to give you a list of things they'd rather do than watch England in a penalty shoot-out and it will probably feature things like "stick pins in my own eyes" or "swallow razor blades."
That penalty shoot-out is etched in my memory for one reason. And I can sum that reason up in two words: STUART. PEARCE.
Pearce had been involved in England's losing penalty shoot-out during Italia 90, when the team had crashed out and missed their place in the World Cup final. Stuart Pearce had taken one of those penalties and missed. It wasn't just Gazza who famously cried as he left the pitch.
So, when Stuart Pearce stepped up to take a penalty in that Euro 96 quarter final, I can still vividly remember my dad holding his hands up over his eyes and shrieking: "OH NO!"
And then this happened...
He didn't just score. He blasted that ball into the back of the net and the passion and relief etched all over his face in the moments afterwards brought tears to my eyes then and frankly, it still does now. There was a man who embodied those three lions on his chest. My fledgling love of football was galvanised in that moment and it's Stuart Pearce who remains my ultimate footballing hero.
Which of course made it all the more painful when we crashed out of the tournament in the semi finals. On penalties. Again. This time it was Gareth Southgate whose miss sent England home and I still feel sorry for him, all these years later. I cried myself to sleep that night and I still haven't forgiven Andreas Moller.
By the time the World Cup rolled around in 1998, I was cocky enough to consider myself to really know my stuff. Confident enough to argue with boys at school as to who Glenn Hoddle would play upfront.
"Shearer and Owen," the boys insisted, as we skipped lessons and crammed into a lecture theatre to watch the team's first game of the tournament (we lived in an age where supporting the team in the World Cup was classed by our teachers as more important than school work, apparently). "Micheal Owen is the kid everyone's talking about; he's going to play upfront with Shearer."
I sat and shook my head and told them: "Michael Owen is untested at this level. Teddy Sherringham has a known partnership with Alan Shearer. Hoddle won't risk putting a newbie upfront straight away. He'll come on after half time."
In short, I was right and those boys were all wrong. HA!
But all that paled into insignificance when our boys later met Argentina. David Beckham kicked out like a petulant brat (and briefly became the most hated man in England) and got a red card for his troubles and we went out on penalties. AGAIN. And I cried myself to sleep. AGAIN.
3. F*R*I*E*N*D*S
I had a pencil case with this image on the front. It was my pride and joy.
Nowadays, we have about a zillion TV channels and dozens and dozens of sitcoms and drama series exported from America. But in April 1995, we were sent a little comedy that had first aired the previous year in the USA. That little comedy was called Friends and you probably know it as that show that's endlessly repeated on Sky. But at the time, it was brand, spanking new and it's not hyperbole to say that it was an absolute game-changer in terms of television situation comedy.
In this modern era of Netflix and YouTube, anyone can watch pretty much anything at any time. But back in 1995, when Rachel first crashed into Central Perk in her wedding dress, having jilted her fiance Barry at the alter, we had to watch live and wait a week before we knew what was going to happen next.
It may have been fiction, but the lives of these six singletons in New York City - Joey, Chandler, Ross, Monica, Phoebe and Rachel - took the UK by storm and you were nobody at school if you didn't have a favourite cast member and couldn't quote huge reams of the script off pat.
We genuinely yelled at the telly when Ross cheated on Rachel with the girl from the Xerox copy place (and then insisted that it didn't count, because they were "on a break"). We found ourselves feeling distinctly unpatriotic by loathing English Emily with a fiery passion. We couldn't hear the words "so no one told you life was gonna be this way..." without instinctively clapping. We actually toyed with using "how you doin'?" as a chat-up line.
And this is still how I swear.
Friends laid the foundations for so many other comedies - on both sides of the Atlantic - that it would take the rest of the afternoon to list them all. Suffice to say, if you have a show you're fond of, you can almost certainly thank Friends for paving the way.
Friends may have lasted beyond the 90s, but the early days of the show captured the decade almost better than anything else. The fashions, the values... Just everything.
I still can't watch the last episode without breaking down the second Rachel says "I got off the plane."
THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY EYE. AGAIN.
4. GIRL POWER!
I wanted platform trainers. I did not GET platform trainers. Knowing how clumsy I am, I think it's for the best.
There will be plenty of people reading this, thinking "The Spice Girls? Really?! Not Labour's historic landslide election victory in 1997?!"
It's hard to explain why The Spice Girls are so important, but I'll give it a go.
I was almost 14 when Wannabe came out. I was being horribly bullied at school, whilst fantasising about pretty male popstars who seemed much less threatening than the boys who treated me so appallingly on a daily basis. I felt very isolated, living on a RAF housing base where there wasn't much to do to take my mind off the whole "being bullied so badly I was suicidal" thing.
Then along came five pretty normal girls who were telling the world that women could be anything they wanted to be and that friendship was just as important as romance. For a hormonal teen who'd never had a boyfriend, it was quite literally music to my ears.
Pretty much all the girls I knew had a favourite Spice Girl, because they were packaged in such a way that there was a band member for everyone to identify with. The sports mad girls championed Mel C. The glamorous ones who spent their weekends testing the make up in Miss Selfridge were fans of Victoria. The feisty girls got to pick between Geri and Mel B. And then there was "Baby," Emma. She had the same name as me, so obviously she was my favourite, but she was also the very girly, sweet one and I identified with her more than anyone else.
There was a sense of fun and friendship about The Spice Girls that seemed at odds with other girlbands of the time, who were more focused on being sultry and soulful. The Spice Girls had hits that were effortlessly catchy and the "girl power" rhetoric just made you want to get involved, somehow. They were a bit of escapism from the negative aspects of my life back then and on a broader scale, they paved the way for more girl groups to come along and be taken more seriously. After all, The Spice Girls had sales figures that you just couldn't argue with and they proved that girlbands had every bit as much "pulling power" as Britpop rock groups or boybands did. They changed the landscape of the music scene in terms of female artists in a lot of ways and they did it whilst being awesome.
5. The Death of "The People's Princess."
The owner of the second most copied haircut of the 90s.
On Sunday August 31st 1997, I was having my usual lie-in. It's a well-known fact that I don't like early mornings and it's rare for me to surface before 9am on a Sunday. To use the Michael McIntyre line, if you wake a woman on a lie-in, it should only ever be because it's snowing, or because a major celebrity has died.
And so it was that on that day, my dad burst into my bedroom, with the words: "You will not believe who's died!"
I groaned, yawned, just about managed to lift my head a bit and mumbled: "Who?"
Dad replied: "Diana!"
I, being tired and grouchy, grumbled: "Which Diana?" In hindsight, I don't know which other Diana he might have meant, but it seemed like an appropriate question at the time.
Dad simply emphasised: "The PRINCESS!"
I then sat bolt upright in bed and shouted: "You're lying!"
Quite why my dad would feel the need to make up the death of "the people's princess" is beyond me, but I guess it was shock talking. I just remember leaping from my bed and rushing into my parents' room, where my mum was sitting up with the radio on.
Now, I should highlight here that none of my family is exactly a royalist (well, except maybe my dad, with his RAF past and all that). So the sight of me, mum, dad and my sister all sitting there on the bed, waiting for the news to come on is, in hindsight, almost morbidly comical. I suppose none of us could really believe that someone who was, at that time, one of the most famous women in the world, had suddenly been killed in such awful circumstances, leaving behind two young sons, one of which was the future King of England.
The 9 o'clock news came on and it was preceded by the national anthem. All these years later, I can still remember a chill running down my spine: it was true.
Whatever you thought of Diana herself, you'd have to have had a heart of stone not to be moved by the thought that she'd died so young and left her two sons motherless, especially when she seemed to have finally found some happiness in her life.
What perhaps nobody expected was the nationwide outpouring of grief that followed. The last time I'd ever seen so many flowers laid in tribute had been after the Hillsborough disaster. Kensington Palace became a sea of floral memorials from people who simply felt that they had to do something.
There are people who talk about this outpouring of emotion as being mawkish and unnecessary. And whilst I can understand where those people are coming from, I also think they're wrong. I think it's very fitting that a woman who shamelessly wore her own heart on her sleeve and became famous not only for demonstrating affection to her sons in a very un-royal manner, but for touching the hands of AIDS sufferers at a time when the disease was still massively understood, should have caused a turnaround in the way we stiff-upper-lipped Brits demonstrate emotions, in the wake of her death. In many ways, Diana's legacy was to teach us that it's actually not a good thing to hold in our emotions and that there's nothing wrong with letting it all out. Indeed, it was our Queen's reluctance to display any emotional response to Diana's untimely passing - or even to talk publicly in the first few days after the accident - that almost caused the downfall of the monarchy entirely. The British people were finally shedding that emotionless stereotype and we wanted to see our figurehead do the same.
When you look at the way Diana's sons (especially Harry) react to people now - the way they shake hands openly, laugh with people and speak passionately on topics they feel strongly about - it's clear to see that Diana's influence is still strong. In a lot of ways, Diana, the woman who wanted to be thought of as "a Queen in people's hearts," managed to change the monarchy in a greater way after her death than she could ever have achieved in her short lifetime.
2.5billion people watched Diana's funeral, as it was broadcast around the world. Elton John sang a new version of Candle In The Wind (which I went out and bought on cassette because of course I did) and Princes William and Harry walked behind their mother's coffin, bringing pretty much all of those 2.5billion people to tears.
Unless you had a heart of STONE.
I genuinely feel as though Diana's death kick started a more emotionally open age for Britain and in my eyes, being more open is no bad thing. It was certainly a massively defining moment of the 90s.
So, that's my list. I could go on and on, but well... Maybe I'll save some more for another time. After all, I've not touched on the brilliance of 90s kids' TV (Byker Grove, Knightmare and The Girl From Tomorrow, to name just three pieces of fabulousness), the trend for party dances (which I still celebrate on every trip to Butlin's), or any of the incredible films that came out in the 90s.
Ah, the 90s. The decade that shaped me more than any other. Thank you.
