YouTube: The Creators vs The Audience?!

As most of you will probably know by now, I have something of a passion for YouTube.  I love watching videos, subscribe to many varied channels and even have a channel of my own, which I'm incredibly proud of, despite it still being a very small fish in a ridiculously enormous - and arguably, overcrowded - pond.

Of course, I'm not alone.  YouTube is big business and has made household names of many of its most popular creators.  There are YouTube conventions, such as Playlist Live and Summer In The City, bringing the online sensation very much into the real world, with opportunities for fans to meet their favourite YouTubers and spend huge amounts of cash on associated merchandise.  There are also chances to learn more about the actual art of being a YouTuber, seeing as so many people out there have spent long enough watching content on YouTube, that they're now thinking about giving it a go, themselves.

Given that I'm both a fan and a YouTuber (albeit one you almost certainly haven't heard of, unless you're already subscribed to my channel), I take a keen interest in the changes YouTube implements as it continues to grow, and I enjoy participating in online discussions on subjects surrounding YouTube.

Except one subject.  There is one issue, which crops up now and then, that genuinely turns my stomach.  I don't want to have to talk about it, because it shouldn't be a subject.  But it is.  And frankly, it's one we need to tackle.

Okay, Will, I'm getting to it, alright?!

That issue is, depressingly, the argument between fans and content creators as to who owes more to the other.

This was brought back into the light today, after a YouTuber (Chai Cameron) tweeted a request for people to submit contributions or questions for a planned discussion on "Expectation vs Reality" for YouTubers and the art of making videos as a career.

One of the people who decided to respond to the tweet was Alfie Deyes - millionaire YouTuber and partner of equally (if not more) famous creator, Zoella.  His tweet said simply: "You have to upload.. it's your job, we pay for your house."

Now, let's briefly put aside the "YouTubers would be nothing without their fans" thing for a second (don't worry, I'll be zooming right back there, in a minute...) and ponder whether this was a necessary comment from one of Britain's most successful YouTubers?  After all, the request for tweets seemed to be aimed at fans, rather than already-famous-content-creators.  And whilst Alfie might have thought he was being witty - or perhaps he's just sick of having people tell him he's wealthy because of them (again, more on this later) - was it really a helpful comment?  Because when a YouTuber brings this subject up, particularly in the slightly whinging, eye-rolling manner that this tweet could easily be taken (whether intended that way or not), all it does is start the argument again.  And Alfie surely knows as much.  Therefore, his statement could very easily be seen as a red rag to a bull; a deliberate attempt to start pointless (pun intended) drama.

And of course, it worked.  Very quickly, someone non famous responded: "Without YouTube, what income would you have?  None.  So yes, we are paying for your house.  Don't take it for granted.  It could leave you any second."

And guess what?  She's right.

That doesn't mean that I support anyone who badgers famous, wealthy YouTubers with similar comments out of the blue.  Most YouTubers are very aware of their fanbase and many of them take time to thank those who have supported them along the way (my favourite YouTubers, Dan Howell and Phil Lester, are really good at this and it's one of the many reasons I love them).  Most YouTubers who have achieved financial security and fame as a result of their YouTube content and their additional, related ventures (merchandise, book deals, live shows etc) know how lucky they are.  They are aware that they're in an enormously privileged position that many people will never achieve.

I say "most," because this, sadly, doesn't apply to all big YouTubers.  There are people out there, who believe that their fame and success is owed to them, because they've worked so hard.  

But what's the unspoken implication of that point of view?  That smaller YouTubers, who've never reached the same heights, don't work as hard?  Isn't that mildly absurd, given that almost all YouTubers who are now hugely famous and wealthy as a result of their channels, will have once upon a time, been a small YouTuber, without the enormous fanbase and the guaranteed views?!  Success rarely happens overnight.  In many cases, it's a long haul, rather than a sprint.  And without the work put in at the start, when nobody was watching, would they have made it as far as they have?!

I'll be honest and say that I've never particularly liked Alfie and it's because of comments like this and similar ones in the past, which do tend to paint him - possibly wrongly - as someone who believes he's owed success.  Someone who is vocal in his dislike of having people comment that he wouldn't be where he is today, without the fans who've watched his videos and bought his merchandise.

And, believe it or not, I get why he might not like being told that.

This gif is so appropriate...

Look, I'm a YouTube minnow.  My channel is tiny.  But I know how much time and effort goes into creating content.  You have to think of an idea, write a script, set up your camera and - if you're lucky enough to have them - lights.  Then you have to film, which can take anything from half an hour to a couple of hours, depending on the style of video you're making and how many different locations or outfit changes are needed (for my channel, I do a lot of "sketches" or "skits" to break up the parts where I'm just talking to camera, so it can sometimes take an hour or two to film everything).  Once everything has been filmed, you have to import the footage to your editing software and the edit can take several hours (a short video that's been pretty quick and straightforward to film might take me 1-2 hours to edit, but a longer one, with things like green screen or key frame animation involved can often end up taking 4, 5 or even 6 hours).  Once the video is finished, you have to design an eye-catching thumbnail and either upload the video for immediate release, or schedule it for the time you want it to go live on your channel.  Once it's up, you have to market that video, to try to encourage as large an audience for it as possible.  It's not a quick process, if you're trying to do it well.  And to feel as though the credit for your success is being given to your audience, rather than you...?  Well, that can't be easy.  I can understand people feeling mildly aggrieved by having viewers tell them "we pay for your house," or "you're only famous because of us."

Notice, I said "mildly" aggrieved.

Because, on the flip-side, what a bloody lovely "problem" to have.  I go through the above video-making process at least once a week and I consider it a good result if the video I worked so hard on gets more than 40-50 views.  The idea of having a fanbase that guarantees you hundreds of thousands - possibly even millions - of views, is a mere pipe dream for someone like me.  I also write this blog and have published five books, but only three of those have been with a (very, very small) traditional publisher.  The other two were self-published.  The thought of having such a huge audience via YouTube, that I could be handed a book deal by a major publisher, knowing the book will sell in large enough numbers to make me a viable option for success, is mind-blowing.  And as a teensy little speck of a YouTuber, the fantasy of people buying MrsManics merchandise - t-shirts, stationery sets or even a make-up range - is just that: a fantasy.

The fact is, you only get those things if your audience is big enough.  And yes, you only get that audience if you work hard and are very lucky, but that audience has to be there and I don't believe anyone riding the crest of the wave should ever forget what it was like to be doggy-paddling, with your head barely above water.

And so, whilst I don't entirely feel comfortable with viewers who tell YouTubers "we made you as famous as you are," or words to that effect, I equally dislike seeing famous YouTubers seemingly forget that those viewers do kind of have a point.

Still, I would never have even seen this little Twitter exchange, seeing as I don't follow anyone involved, until someone I did follow (very much past tense) - another famous, British YouTuber - responded:

I vowed not to swear on this blog anymore, once I started writing bedtime stories for kids, so... This next part is going to be a CHALLENGE, because MAN, do I want to swear.

WHO.

IS.

SERVING.

WHO?????!!!!!

Okay, first of all, let's pick the earlier bits of this tweet apart, shall we?!  The "dedication, motivation, ideas and creativity" part reads rather nauseatingly like a massive pat on her own back, as well as those of her massively famous friends.  Golly, aren't we clever?!  It places Louise and Alfie on a pedestal, as though "dedication, motivation, ideas and creativity" are attributes exclusive to famous YouTubers, who already have millions of subscribers.  And, speaking as a very small YouTuber, who is 100% dedicated to her channel, motivated to make a success of it and full of creative ideas for content for it...

She said it, kids.  Not me.

Then, let's take a little peek at the "you wouldn't have our videos to watch," part.

And...????!!!!

Look, I admit it:  When I get a notification that there's a new Dan, Phil or Dan & Phil Games video, I get excited to watch it right away and I click "play" the very first chance I get.  Because I love their content and I want to support them.  But you know what?  Truthfully, if I felt that they believed their audience had no part in their continued success - if they wrote something as staggeringly arrogant, blinkered and patronising (that little heart at the end of the tweet made me want to punch a freaking wall) as Louise's tweet - I would question whether they had lost sight of the very much two-way street their careers are driving down and I would be forced to asked myself whether I wanted to support them, anymore.  And, if (heaven forbid) that day ever came, I would find something else to watch.  Because you know what?  YouTube is saturated.

Sure, the household names get the majority of the views, but that doesn't mean there aren't some fantastic small YouTubers out there, making regular, funny, entertaining content for anyone who stumbles upon it, to enjoy.  For example, I would recommend Penny Dang extremely highly, if you're keen to find someone new.  She should have thousands of subscribers - she's warm, funny and engaging and I really look forward to her videos.  She was also my 100th subscriber, so she's got a special place in my affections.

My point is, there are other people out there.  Amazing, witty, talented, clever, creative people, whose content is far better than their sub count or overall views might have you think.  For a big YouTuber like Louise to write a tweet in a way that makes it sound like her channel is somehow better or more important, and that people should be grateful for her serving them, is ridiculously entitled and beyond arrogant.  

For every big YouTuber, there are thousands of small ones, many of whom are making content just as enjoyable as someone like Louise or Alfie.  The world of YouTube would not fall apart without either of them, however much they might like to think it would.

And now, for the part of the tweet that raised my blood pressure to dangerous levels...

"So who is serving who here?"

Well, this is what I had to say:

The emoji really helped my point, I felt.

A YouTuber doesn't become massively famous, rich or successful unless their content reaches a wide enough audience.  Therefore, they have to be good enough to make people want to watch them.  So, they deserve some respect for their "creativity, motivation, dedication, blah, blah, blaaaaah."  Of course they do.  I can promise you that I mean that very sincerely, because as a creator of content myself, regardless of how small my own audience might be, I would like to think that people appreciate the amount of work that goes into making my videos each week.  

BUT...

If I ever became famous, it would almost certainly be as a result of my audience getting bigger and bigger.  Those subscribers watching my videos, supporting me in any other endeavours I undertook (writing a book, or making live appearances) would be helping me to turn a hobby I am passionate about, into a potential career.  Their continued willingness to watch my videos and fork out their hard-earned money on merchandise or tour tickets etc, would be what perpetuates that career.

To put it simply:  It would be viewers that made me and, if I got too big for my boots, or became lazy about my content, because I just assumed people would watch it no matter how little effort I put in, it would be viewers that would inevitably break me, too.

If you know why this is here, we should definitely be friends.

It's utterly insulting to the millions of people who watch Louise's - or any other big YouTuber's -  videos, to imply that YouTube success is some kind of one way street.  Creators and their audiences are not islands.  They are a natural pairing who "serve" (have I mentioned how much I detest that she used that word?!  Is that coming across??!!) each other, equally.

You can't have success if you don't have an audience.  That's literally the most simple truth of all, here.  Having an audience of guaranteed viewers allows you to create content as a career, rather than as a hobby.  It is what leads to sponsorship deals, live appearances, book deals and magazine articles.  NONE of those things happen when you're dipping your toes into the water, with a hundred or so subscribers.

But that audience has a responsibility, too.  Whilst by merely clicking the subscribe button, they don't owe the creator anything, they must also understand that the creator is still in charge of his or her own content and doesn't have to tailor it to what they want.  They must also understand that the creator is entitled to lead his or her own life away from YouTube and may choose to keep certain aspects of that life private.

As an audience, fans are entitled to share their views on content, but they can't make demands.  They have to accept that they might not love every little thing a YouTuber says or does.

And as creators, YouTubers must understand that, if they have a lucrative income as a result of their channel and their associated merchandise or endeavours, they owe that success not solely down to their own hard work, but to the fans who support them with their views and who spend money on their creations.  

Again, that level of success is impossible without an audience.  Who's going to ring up and offer me a book deal, when I only have 143 subscribers?!  Who's going to suggest we buddy up to produce a range of t-shirts or hoodies?!

YouTubers need their audiences, just as their audiences need them.  It's ebb and flow, give and take.  To suggest it's a one way street is blinkered and conceited.

I'm sure that Louise and Alfie won't care if someone like me writes a critical blog about them.  I'm sure it won't bother them at all to know that someone thinks it's arrogant to believe they're owed success, or that they give their audiences more than their audiences have given them.

But those same audiences are full of people whose support and financial expenditure has contributed enormously to the wealth and success that they are now able to enjoy.

What a shame they either can't, or won't see that they need those people just as much as they believe those people need them.

Lights, Camera... ACTION!

There comes a time when you realise that a hobby is either slowly dwindling into just something that you used to do, or that it's grown into a passion.

Earlier this year, after much persuasion from friends, I decided to start making YouTube videos.  It quickly became a passion and I wrote about it on this very blog.

So, why, I hear you cry, am I writing about it again?!  

Because, my dear readers, the passion has - rather incredibly - grown.

I've become a full-on YouTuber.  It's bordering on becoming my number one obsession.

Every week, I find myself looking forward to my day off work, so I can whip out my pad and pen, make some scribbled notes reminding me of what I want to do, then position myself squarely in front of the camera and press "record."

If you, or someone you know has become a YouTuber, you'll probably recognise some of my latest afflictions:

• I've joined several YouTube groups on Facebook, just so I can talk about riveting things such as lighting, upload schedules and channel growth.  All of which would probably have bored me to tears, six months ago, whereas now, I could happily talk "shop" for hours (and bore everyone else around me...).

• I find myself shrieking at random moments - in the shower, during my lunch break at work, or even when I'm drifting off to sleep - because I've suddenly had an idea for a video.

• I almost cried actual tears of joy recently, because I passed my initial goal of 50 subscribers.

• I become irrationally annoyed by other people's lack of basic editing skills (even though mine are still very much a work-in-progress, so in some ways, this is a hypocritical gripe).  If someone uploads a video and doesn't edit out any "ums" or pointlessly long pauses etc, I find myself internally seething.  When I watch a video that features long periods of total silence, where it would have been really easy to include some copyright free music to maintain an entertaining vibe, I find myself externally seething, just for added emphasis.  

• I won't leave the house without my camera, in case I decide to make a vlog (even though vlogging in the traditional sense is not exactly what I do).

• Watching Dan and Phil videos is no longer just fun.  It's homework.  They're my biggest YouTube inspirations and I aim to be just as funny and entertaining in my videos as they are in theirs.  So, when I sit down to watch them, I'm not just passively viewing.  I'm studying.

"Wow."  Okay, so I'm studying Phil in a different way... *wibble*

• I have lost all sense of vanity.  When I started my channel (or rather, when I started regularly uploading videos earlier this year), I was worried about looking stupid on camera.  Now, I think nothing of lying in the bath with a towel wrapped around my legs, pretending to be Ariel from The Little Mermaid.  If it's funny, I'll do it.  I don't care what I look or sound like.  It's exceptionally liberating.

• I actually put effort into making thumbnails, now.  I care about whether they're bold and bright enough to entice viewers to click "play."  

• My Christmas list for this year is heavily YouTube-focused.  I want a tripod.  I want lighting.  I feel like I'm suddenly taking this very seriously...

• I am extraordinarily protective of my channel and the videos I upload.  I welcome constructive criticism that helps me improve, but if someone is just going to be mean about it without justification, I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY REACTION.  You may as well be insulting my baby.  That I, er, don't have.

My YouTube channel has become an extension of me.  It's more important than a hobby.  It's like my writing; a part of who I am.  

I was going to end this by pondering whether there's a YouTube Addicts Anonymous group I could join, but you know what?  

I don't want to be cured. 

Maybe I'll make a video about that...

Discovering A PASSION!

I mean, aside from my undying passion for this dude...

There are few things in life more exciting than realising that you're not just a bit interested in something.  Discovering a new passion - whether it's for a hobby, a type of food or even a person, is part of what makes life so enjoyable, after all.  Yet, sometimes, we discover that we're passionate about something we never really expected to be crazy about...

Personally, I only came to realise just how passionate I had become about something, over the weekend.

A few months ago, I decided to start vlogging.  For those of you who think I've just forgotten how to spell "blogging," vlogging is pretty much what I do here, only on camera.  Or, to put it another way, I make silly videos about me and my life and I put them up on YouTube.

The thing is, I've been regularly making videos and putting them online for around four months now and I've been enjoying it.  But I thought that was about it.  I liked it.  It was fun.  It was a hobby.

Then, on Saturday evening, after a whopping nine hours spent editing my latest video, my software crashed and my project couldn't be saved.  I tried to fix it for over two hours, but to no avail.  If you want to know what I looked like, giving up on my video, more than eleven hours after starting it, it was something like this:

At first, I thought: "Sure, I'm angry and frustrated, because I've wasted an entire day on this and now it's ruined."  But, as time went on and I genuinely struggled to get to sleep that night, I started to realise that actually, I was upset because I was proud of the video and I wanted the world to see it.  I had been uploading a video to YouTube every Sunday for the last few months and I hated knowing that this week I'd fail to do so.  I wanted my subscribers - all 32 of them (shut up, that's loads in my eyes...) - to have something to watch.  I realised, possibly for the first time, that I really care about my little YouTube channel and the content I produce for it.

So, seeing as I wasn't getting any sleep anyway, I got back up and downloaded some paid-for software.  And, despite breaking my vow of not touching my bank account until pay day in the process, I quickly realised that it was a price well worth paying for the ability to start my video all over again from scratch and get it uploaded on Sunday evening, as per usual.

I don't look at YouTube the same way, anymore.  It used to be the place I went to watch Dan and Phil videos, or to shamelessly sing along to karaoke backing tracks.  Suddenly, it's much more than that.  It's the place I can unleash my creativity.  Somewhere I can learn more about making vlogs and where I can chat to other YouTubers about the experience of making videos and putting them online for people to watch.  It's become a part of who I am and I never even realised until last weekend, despite the fact that it's been creeping up on me for ages.  I mean, why else do I so often let out a little shriek in the shower, because an idea for a video has suddenly popped into my head?!  Why else do I fret so much about creating interesting thumbnails?!  Of course this has become important to me!

So, if you haven't been to my channel yet, you can do so by clicking here and I'm going to leave my long-struggled-over video from this Sunday at the bottom of this blog post, so feel free to give that a watch.  In the next week or so, I'm planning on filming a channel trailer, so keep an eye out for that as well!

It's a funny feeling, realising that I care almost as much (in fact, probably just as much) about my channel and the videos I make for it as I do about writing, but there we have it - I do!  Just by being brave and deciding to try something a little different, I've discovered a brand new passion.  I'd encourage anyone thinking about dipping their toes into the waters of vlogging to dive in and just see what happens!  Perhaps, like me, you'll discover something you'll fall in love with.

I'm still going to be writing.  I'll keep up my weekly bedtime stories and I'll have new posts about other things on a relatively regular basis (I promise - poke me with a stick if I leave it too long!), but there is most definitely a new love in my life, now.  Who knew that filming myself on my bed could be so much fun?!  Oh, hang on... I don't mean it like that...

Ain't NOBODY who wants to see THAT...

I guess what my major meltdown on Saturday night taught me, is that a love for something can creep on you, even if it's actually been there all along.  And, having spent several weeks and months saying "nah, I like watching stuff on YouTube, but I've got no desire to make my own videos," I'm really glad my friends carried on badgering me into giving it a try.  I might not be the next Zoella, but I'm having fun.  Heck, I even enjoy editing films, which is more than I can say for editing books!!

If you're going to take a message away from this blog, let it be this: try something new.  Even if it's something you're not sure about, or that you think you'll be bad at, give it a go.  Because you might discover a new passion in life.  And even if you don't, at least you've crossed something off the list on the way to finding what your real passion is.

I've found a new passion.  And I love it.

Emma's Top Time Wasters!

If there's one thing any writer knows, it's the art of procrastination.  You sit at your computer, the cursor blinks back at you, inspiration begins to strike... Then half an hour later, you're watching a video of a dog who can talk and you can't remember what you were originally planning on doing.

Now, sure, when inspiration really strikes, I can totally lose myself in my writing.  I'll be hammering away at my keyboard for hours at a time.  But it's fair to say that we all - all of us, not only writers - have those moments when we just can't quite make ourselves get on with the task at hand.  

If you're someone who finds that happening to them on a regular basis, help is on hand!  No, I'm not going to teach you how to stop procrastinating - that sounds far too much like hard work.  Instead, I'm going to tell you what my favourite time-wasters are, so that you can enjoy them for yourselves.  You'll thank me one day.  Probably not on a day an assignment is due, though...

1. YouTube

You should watch Dan and Phil.  I mean, right after reading this blog.

Seriously, YouTube might as well be renamed "ULTIMATE PROCRASTINATION MACHINE."  Or something slightly catchier to that effect.

Since I "discovered" Dan and Phil (had them waved in my face by my best friend until I succumbed - thank you Lyds!), I have lost literally hours of my life when I should have been writing, but have instead preferred to watch two stupidly attractive dudes with amazing hair play The Sims 4.  Phil Lester is now my number one crush and I know a scary amount of random facts about two blokes I've never met.  In case you're wondering where the above gif comes from, it's from this video, which I watched in bed last night and laughed so much I had a coughing fit.

And it's not just Dan and Phil (well, roughly 75% of my YouTube time is taken up by them, but other stuff is available).  One of my favourite time wasting activities is YouTube karaoke.  You type in a song title, add the word "karaoke" on the end, find a backing track and sing your heart out like the frustrated diva you are.  What's not to love?!

My other top YouTube recommendation is definitely "Honest Trailers."  I could sit and watch these for literally hours at a time.  In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, it does exactly what it says on the tin: they're movie given a more honest trailer and they are hilarious.  Given that I'm obsessed with Les Miserables, it's no surprise that one of my favourite trailers they've done is for the movie version, which you can watch here.

Add to the above delights the fact that you can find all kinds of documentaries, music videos, old TV shows and assorted oddities and it's no wonder that YouTube is my number one time wasting activity, possibly of all time.

2. Social Media

I moan about Facebook.  I moan about Twitter.  I moan about Tumblr.  Would I be without any of them?  No, no and thrice no.

Social media is a marvellous way to lose an hour or three of your life.  You pop onto Twitter just to "see what's happening," you notice an unusual hashtag, you get involved... Next thing you know, it's dark outside and you haven't eaten since breakfast.

Besides which, social media doesn't have to be a total waste of your time (the fact that I follow several "puppy gif" Tumblr accounts is beside the point - they are SERIOUS BUSINESS).  Can anyone else remember how we as a nation reacted in unison to major world events before the introduction of Twitter?!  Twitter is the first place I head when anything happens, these days.  Sometimes, that strange bonding-effect of feeling as though you and a whole heap of strangers have joined together to discuss some big news event can actually inspire me to write something on the subject.  So, checking Twitter roughly eight million times a day is a totally productive use of my time, thank you very much.

3. My Best Friend

She's my number one time waster, obvs.  And never actually time wasted.

My bestie is pretty much the ultimate way I procrastinate.  Can't think of something interesting to blog about?  I text Lydia.  Seen a new video that has only served to deepen my aforementioned crush on a YouTuber?  I text Lydia.  

And, given that we're on the same, very strange wavelength, many times, our perfectly normal conversations quickly end up turning into something entirely off the wall.  Today, for example, we decided that our new greeting for one another should be to pretend to whack each other in the face with our imaginary penises.  

Luckily, I try surround myself with people who are weird as I am, meaning that I can do this form of procrastination with a couple of my other friends, too.  If I'm in a strange mood, I'll send one of them a random text and simply enjoy the bizarre conversation it leads to.  Procrastination's more fun when you're dragging someone else away from stuff they should be doing, too.

4. Google image search

I will often sit down to write a blog and immediately begin wandering off at a tangent, as I try to decide on which pictures or gifs I should include.  A perfectly innocent trip to Google, to find a picture that relates to whatever I'm writing about, can often lead to half an hour of sifting through images of animals that look like famous people, for example.  As a case in point, I think the dog above looks like Bjorn from ABBA and I will not be persuaded otherwise.

Since I started using more and more gifs on this blog, my time spent on Google has only increased further.  I dread to think how much space on my laptop is taken up by gifs, but I would hazard a guess that if you lay them end to end, they'd circle the world at least twice.  And now that I've finally learned how to make them myself, the problem has only worsened.  I have an addiction.

AN ADDICTION, I TELL YOU.

5. Games on my iPhone

I recently discovered that you can download classic Sonic The Hedgehog to your iPhone (I'm sure it's been available for ages, I'm just notoriously slow to catch on).  I've also recently discovered that I'm terrible at it.  I'm sure I never used to be - in fact, I remember kicking ass at it on my sister's old Sega Game Gear, but apparently as a 33 year old whose thumbs have been ruined by smartphones, I suck.  This knowledge, of course, only serves to make me more determined to improve and that can only be achieved by playing it for far too long, when I'm meant to be doing more important things.

Angry Birds is still a massive addiction of mine, too.  I have a strange compulsion to not move past a level until I have a 3* rating on it, which means my eyes are pretty much square from all the furious screen-staring I've done over the years.  

Add to that a rather more sedate love of playing Solitaire on my phone and you'll surely see why I get so little done.  And why I am destined to have arthritic hands and blindness in my later years.

So, what are your top time-wasters?  Let me know.  And then you'll know why there's been a long time between blog updates...

Why I Think Dan And Phil Are The Cat's Whiskers!

Dan and Phil. 

A few months ago, my best friend excitedly told me that she'd discovered "the male version of us!"  

It turned out that Lydia and Emma in male form were called Dan Howell and Phil Lester and were best known for making hugely popular videos on YouTube.  "They're so like us," my bestie said, when I next went over to her place.  "They even met online, just like we did!"  It was pretty clear that Lydia had fallen down the rabbit hole and had absolutely no desire to return, so we sat on her sofa and watched a few videos.  

And I smiled.  Then I giggled.  Then I proper belly-laughed.  By the time I climbed into my car to drive home, I was already planning which videos to check out when I got back.  I ended up spending my whole evening watching stuff online and I grinned like an idiot the entire time.  By the following morning, it was abundantly clear that I had joined Lydia down the rabbit hole and I was more than happy to stay there.

Why would I want to leave these weirdos?!

It's fair to say that I'm probably not really in Dan and Phil's target audience.  Visit the many fan pages that have been popping up online over the years and the general conversation ranges from what homework everyone has to do that night, to what they want to be when they "grow up."  Dan wasn't even born until June 1991, by which point I was 8 going on 9 (a fact that makes me feel seriously old).  But somehow, I've taken these two to my heart in a way that I haven't with any other Internet personalities that came before and almost certainly never will with anyone who follows them.  So, why?

Well, to answer that, you need to look at the reason for their enormous popularity with teenage viewers.  

Your teenage years are notoriously tricky.  You're growing up and trying to work out who you are.  There's all this pressure on you to do well at school and decide what you want to do with your life and beyond that, you're supposed to look and act a certain way in order to fit in with the "cool" kids.  If you're being bullied or you're going through any kind of personal problems, it all just adds up to a hugely confusing and sometimes scary period of your life.  I can barely believe the person I am now, compared to when I was a teenager.  I'm so much more comfortable in myself and, for the most part, a lot more confident.  In a lot of ways, I really am a completely different person.

For a start, I had surgery to remove that dog from my face.

So, just imagine you're 13 or 14 and you're not one of the particularly cool kids.  Imagine you'd prefer to be at home playing computer games, rather than trying to sneak into some dodgy nightclub with sticky floors.  You have all these aspects to your personality that you think are weird and it feels like there's nobody who gets you.  Then, one day, you're browsing the Internet and you stumble across someone who seems really confident, friendly and funny and they're saying: "Oh God, I'm so not cool."  And they're okay with it.  In fact, they're more than okay with it.  They revel in being comfortable with their own nerdiness and - as a perhaps slightly awkward, shy teen, struggling to come to terms with who you are - you think: "maybe it's okay to be me, after all."  

That random person online, for a lot of youngsters, was Dan.  Or Phil.  Or, let's face it, both.  

Suddenly you feel less alone.  And have an irresistable urge to draw on your own face.

Visit any Dan and Phil fan page and you'll find comments from teenager after teenager saying such things.  These two, slightly nerdy, wonderfully weird guys have taught youngsters that it's okay to just be yourself, whatever that means.  They've somehow made being mildly uncool the absolute epitome of cool.  I can say, with my hand on my heart, that when I was a terribly shy, scared and awkward teen, I would have given an arm and a leg to have discovered someone older and wiser who was proud to be themselves on camera, telling me that "school won't last forever" and "life gets better."  

And what's really, genuinely lovely is that both Dan and Phil know that they have enormous influence over a huge proportion of young people and have used that influence to speak out against bullying, to reassure kids that there's nothing wrong with preferring to stay in and play computer games rather than trying to keep up with the "in-crowd" and to let young people know that they're not alone with the problems they're dealing with and that things really will improve with time.

And so we come to me.  I'm not a shy, awkward teenager, anymore.  No.  I've blossomed into a shy, awkward thirty three year old.  YAY!

Seriously though, regular readers will know that I delight in my own weirdness.  I think it's so important to be accepting of yourself and know that whatever makes you you should be celebrated, not put down or hidden away for fear of ridicule (I even wrote a blog called "Embrace Your Weirdness!" a couple of years ago).  So, to find people who not only agree with that sentiment, but embrace it wholeheartedly and try to ensure that the concept is shared with the people who really need to hear it, is actually rather beautiful.  It makes me want to give both Dan and Phil the biggest of squishy hugs (avoiding touching Dan's neck of course, not that I could reach it).

I guess what I'm saying is, in amongst the hilarious videos, the games, the "day in the life" anecdotes and the general fun of Dan and Phil's world, there are genuine lessons that you're never too old to take to heart.  With great power comes great responsibility and these two aren't afraid to speak to their audience about real life and how to treat other people with respect as well as respecting yourself.  That's worth more than just a "thumbs up."  That's the kind of thing that makes an isolated person feel like they're not alone.  It's the kind of attitude that we want to be encouraging the next generation to adopt.

So, thank you Dan and Phil.  Thanks for making me laugh and for encouraging me to bake more, blog more (seriously, every video makes me want to write, for some reason), play games more, cherish my best friend more and be proud to be the weird little nerd that I am.  Don't ever change.  You're the cat's whiskers.

In Praise of THE INTERNET.

So, I'm writing this blog, right?  And then you're going to read it (all three of you) via the magic of THE INTERNET.  That fact is something I take for granted every single day, when actually, it's pretty bloody mindblowing.  The fact that I can waffle on for a few thousand words about whatever random nonsense is occupying the space where my brain should be and then post it online, to be shared with other living, breathing humans all over the freaking world is absolutely incredible.

I grew up in a largely Internet-less era.  I don't remember even having any kind of access to it at home until maybe 1997, when I was 14 going on 15 and was super-astounded by the ease at which perverts could ask me for my age, sex and location (not creepy at all, guys).  Back then, it was this shiny new thing that was supposed to be used primarily for communication and homework.

Nowadays, we use the Internet for literally everything.  If we have a nagging question we don't know the answer to, we Google it.  If we need to buy something but can't be bothered to leave the house, we order it online.  Everything you can imagine, from listening to music and watching films, to actually meeting the love of your life can be done via the Internet.  That's utterly insane. 

Much can be said about the darker side of the World Wide Web.  Online bullying is a very real problem and some people hide behind their screens, flinging metaphorical shit at anyone unfortunate enough to cross their virtual path (a subject dealt with rather magnificently by the rather magnificent Dan Howell in his The Internet Is Mean video).  I've experienced it myself, so I definitely know what it's like to receive death threats, rape threats and general abuse from total strangers based on nothing but my opinion of a book or film (same title for both - guess which?!).  You can't talk about the Internet without discussing the negative side, so let's get that out of the way...

Okay, so I've met horrible people, online.  I won't even go into it too much, because hot damn it's a mess.  I can definitely understand why some people get taken in by a convincing manipulator, making out that they're someone they're not.  It may never have happened to me in a romantic sense (although I've experienced the weirder side of the Internet that way, too - and blogged about it, naturally), but in the "hey, we should be BFFs" sense, for sure.

The Internet is creepy at times, the sheer variety of porn available is ridiculous and unfortunately, the freedom to speak freely can be enjoyed by people whose opinions are more gross than that moment when your friend pronounces a "p" really violently and spits on your face.

I like big buts and I cannot lie.

But for all the weirdness and creepiness of the web, I still think it's quite frankly one of the greatest and most life-changing inventions ever.  I mean, up there with penicillin and all that shizzle.

Think about it.  If the Internet didn't exist, I would be sitting here, with all these ridiculous thoughts in my head and nowhere to express them in a whimsical fashion.  There would be no YouTube, which would mean I would not be having the hysterically funny conversation I am currently having with my best friend, regarding our favourite YouTubers, Dan and Phil.

Even more importantly, I wouldn't have a best friend in the first place.  See, my best friend was someone I met online.  I discovered that she was local (well, an hour away) and set about being hilarious and brilliant on an Internet forum, so that she'd liked me.  One wedding invite later and a friendship was born.  I had previous, to be fair; my much-loved friend Kirstie was also "found" on an Internet forum and I did the exact same thing with her.  Basically, if I'm extra nice to you online, I am plotting on adding you to my friend-collection.  I'm not a stalker, I promise.

But this IS the face I pull when I find a new friend, online.

The thing is, for all the bad, creepy stuff going on, the Internet can be a powerful force for good.  Communities like YouTube or Blogger give people a platform from which to air their views and the freedom to be themselves, or simply provide somewhere for them to discover people who are likeminded, if they're not quite up to producing their own content, yet.  Places like Twitter allow us to connect with all kinds of different people.  Time and time again, the Internet has proven that when you think you're alone in your thinking, or even alone full stop, there will always be someone to prove you wrong and take your corner.  For every troll, there's a passionate activist.  For every bully, there's someone who's part of the same fandom as you and wants to squee obsessively over the shape of your favourite pop star's arm.  And for every creepy Internet weirdo, there's... Well, another one, because they're literally everywhere.  But don't let that put you off.

Imagine a world without the Internet.  A world in which you had to rely on snail mail if you wanted to write to a friend overseas.  A world in which you couldn't just cheat and ask Google the answer to literally any question.  A world in which cats looked grumpy and all you could do is take a photo and show it to your friends in the hope that they laughed.  

A world in which you couldn't make gifs like this:

I regret NOTHING.

And now, having written this little love letter to the World Wide Web, I'm going to post in on the... Well, you know.  Who knows, maybe reading it will make someone chuckle.  That's the power of the Internet.  You put something out there and it can create a ripple that spreads further than you ever imagine.  And that of course has the capacity to be either a good or a bad thing.

So, make your ripples online positive ones.  Mmm, positive ripples.  Someone's going to turn that into a euphemism.  I mean, this is the Internet.