Lights, Camera... ACTION!

There comes a time when you realise that a hobby is either slowly dwindling into just something that you used to do, or that it's grown into a passion.

Earlier this year, after much persuasion from friends, I decided to start making YouTube videos.  It quickly became a passion and I wrote about it on this very blog.

So, why, I hear you cry, am I writing about it again?!  

Because, my dear readers, the passion has - rather incredibly - grown.

I've become a full-on YouTuber.  It's bordering on becoming my number one obsession.

Every week, I find myself looking forward to my day off work, so I can whip out my pad and pen, make some scribbled notes reminding me of what I want to do, then position myself squarely in front of the camera and press "record."

If you, or someone you know has become a YouTuber, you'll probably recognise some of my latest afflictions:

• I've joined several YouTube groups on Facebook, just so I can talk about riveting things such as lighting, upload schedules and channel growth.  All of which would probably have bored me to tears, six months ago, whereas now, I could happily talk "shop" for hours (and bore everyone else around me...).

• I find myself shrieking at random moments - in the shower, during my lunch break at work, or even when I'm drifting off to sleep - because I've suddenly had an idea for a video.

• I almost cried actual tears of joy recently, because I passed my initial goal of 50 subscribers.

• I become irrationally annoyed by other people's lack of basic editing skills (even though mine are still very much a work-in-progress, so in some ways, this is a hypocritical gripe).  If someone uploads a video and doesn't edit out any "ums" or pointlessly long pauses etc, I find myself internally seething.  When I watch a video that features long periods of total silence, where it would have been really easy to include some copyright free music to maintain an entertaining vibe, I find myself externally seething, just for added emphasis.  

• I won't leave the house without my camera, in case I decide to make a vlog (even though vlogging in the traditional sense is not exactly what I do).

• Watching Dan and Phil videos is no longer just fun.  It's homework.  They're my biggest YouTube inspirations and I aim to be just as funny and entertaining in my videos as they are in theirs.  So, when I sit down to watch them, I'm not just passively viewing.  I'm studying.

"Wow."  Okay, so I'm studying Phil in a different way... *wibble*

• I have lost all sense of vanity.  When I started my channel (or rather, when I started regularly uploading videos earlier this year), I was worried about looking stupid on camera.  Now, I think nothing of lying in the bath with a towel wrapped around my legs, pretending to be Ariel from The Little Mermaid.  If it's funny, I'll do it.  I don't care what I look or sound like.  It's exceptionally liberating.

• I actually put effort into making thumbnails, now.  I care about whether they're bold and bright enough to entice viewers to click "play."  

• My Christmas list for this year is heavily YouTube-focused.  I want a tripod.  I want lighting.  I feel like I'm suddenly taking this very seriously...

• I am extraordinarily protective of my channel and the videos I upload.  I welcome constructive criticism that helps me improve, but if someone is just going to be mean about it without justification, I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY REACTION.  You may as well be insulting my baby.  That I, er, don't have.

My YouTube channel has become an extension of me.  It's more important than a hobby.  It's like my writing; a part of who I am.  

I was going to end this by pondering whether there's a YouTube Addicts Anonymous group I could join, but you know what?  

I don't want to be cured. 

Maybe I'll make a video about that...

Discovering A PASSION!

I mean, aside from my undying passion for this dude...

There are few things in life more exciting than realising that you're not just a bit interested in something.  Discovering a new passion - whether it's for a hobby, a type of food or even a person, is part of what makes life so enjoyable, after all.  Yet, sometimes, we discover that we're passionate about something we never really expected to be crazy about...

Personally, I only came to realise just how passionate I had become about something, over the weekend.

A few months ago, I decided to start vlogging.  For those of you who think I've just forgotten how to spell "blogging," vlogging is pretty much what I do here, only on camera.  Or, to put it another way, I make silly videos about me and my life and I put them up on YouTube.

The thing is, I've been regularly making videos and putting them online for around four months now and I've been enjoying it.  But I thought that was about it.  I liked it.  It was fun.  It was a hobby.

Then, on Saturday evening, after a whopping nine hours spent editing my latest video, my software crashed and my project couldn't be saved.  I tried to fix it for over two hours, but to no avail.  If you want to know what I looked like, giving up on my video, more than eleven hours after starting it, it was something like this:

At first, I thought: "Sure, I'm angry and frustrated, because I've wasted an entire day on this and now it's ruined."  But, as time went on and I genuinely struggled to get to sleep that night, I started to realise that actually, I was upset because I was proud of the video and I wanted the world to see it.  I had been uploading a video to YouTube every Sunday for the last few months and I hated knowing that this week I'd fail to do so.  I wanted my subscribers - all 32 of them (shut up, that's loads in my eyes...) - to have something to watch.  I realised, possibly for the first time, that I really care about my little YouTube channel and the content I produce for it.

So, seeing as I wasn't getting any sleep anyway, I got back up and downloaded some paid-for software.  And, despite breaking my vow of not touching my bank account until pay day in the process, I quickly realised that it was a price well worth paying for the ability to start my video all over again from scratch and get it uploaded on Sunday evening, as per usual.

I don't look at YouTube the same way, anymore.  It used to be the place I went to watch Dan and Phil videos, or to shamelessly sing along to karaoke backing tracks.  Suddenly, it's much more than that.  It's the place I can unleash my creativity.  Somewhere I can learn more about making vlogs and where I can chat to other YouTubers about the experience of making videos and putting them online for people to watch.  It's become a part of who I am and I never even realised until last weekend, despite the fact that it's been creeping up on me for ages.  I mean, why else do I so often let out a little shriek in the shower, because an idea for a video has suddenly popped into my head?!  Why else do I fret so much about creating interesting thumbnails?!  Of course this has become important to me!

So, if you haven't been to my channel yet, you can do so by clicking here and I'm going to leave my long-struggled-over video from this Sunday at the bottom of this blog post, so feel free to give that a watch.  In the next week or so, I'm planning on filming a channel trailer, so keep an eye out for that as well!

It's a funny feeling, realising that I care almost as much (in fact, probably just as much) about my channel and the videos I make for it as I do about writing, but there we have it - I do!  Just by being brave and deciding to try something a little different, I've discovered a brand new passion.  I'd encourage anyone thinking about dipping their toes into the waters of vlogging to dive in and just see what happens!  Perhaps, like me, you'll discover something you'll fall in love with.

I'm still going to be writing.  I'll keep up my weekly bedtime stories and I'll have new posts about other things on a relatively regular basis (I promise - poke me with a stick if I leave it too long!), but there is most definitely a new love in my life, now.  Who knew that filming myself on my bed could be so much fun?!  Oh, hang on... I don't mean it like that...

Ain't NOBODY who wants to see THAT...

I guess what my major meltdown on Saturday night taught me, is that a love for something can creep on you, even if it's actually been there all along.  And, having spent several weeks and months saying "nah, I like watching stuff on YouTube, but I've got no desire to make my own videos," I'm really glad my friends carried on badgering me into giving it a try.  I might not be the next Zoella, but I'm having fun.  Heck, I even enjoy editing films, which is more than I can say for editing books!!

If you're going to take a message away from this blog, let it be this: try something new.  Even if it's something you're not sure about, or that you think you'll be bad at, give it a go.  Because you might discover a new passion in life.  And even if you don't, at least you've crossed something off the list on the way to finding what your real passion is.

I've found a new passion.  And I love it.