So, You've Decided To Be A Misogynist...

I spent most of yesterday with my head down the toilet.  Working in a germ factory, as I do, has the fabulous perk of making you vomit yourself inside out, every now and then.  Yay.  But given that all I've had the energy for in the last 36 hours or so has been staring at my phone, I've been doing a lot of Internet stuff; reading threads on Facebook that I might usually have scrolled past, searching hashtags on Twitter, just for something to do, that sort of thing.  And I'm here to tell you it had a very profound effect on me. 

It made me mad.

In fact, it made me furious.

You see, one of the hashtags I caught up with on Twitter, was for International Women's Day, which took place on Friday.  And there, amongst the genuinely touching tweets from women supporting one another and from men speaking up about equality (special shout out to Richard Herring, who raises money for Refuge each year on IWD, and who responds to countless guys moaning about there not being an International Men's Day - there is, it's November 19th), the inevitable happened.

Firstly, I stumbled upon a dude who, reading between the lines of his multiple rage-filled tweets, has recently been forced to pay child support.  How could I guess such a thing?  Because he had gone on an epic rant on the hashtag, claiming that all women were "bitches" who "get pregnant deliberately because they just want your cash."

Because, dear reader, only a woman is capable of making a baby happen.  The man in the situation has nothing to do with it.

Then came the "jokes."  You know, the ones which might be funny if it was 1956.  Or if there weren't still plenty of people who seriously hold these opinions in twenty freaking nineteen:

"I guess I'll allow women one day out of the kitchen, then.  As long as the wife is back to getting my dinner on the table, tomorrow."

"International Women's Day seems to be making women angry.  They must all be on their period."

Meanwhile, over in Turkey, police were busy tear-gassing women who had gathered to march for women's rights.  For the past 17 years, women have marched the same route on International Women's Day, but that didn't stop police from unleashing a hail of rubber bullets on participants, even whilst the Turkish President made a speech, claiming to be "on the side of women."

If women marching for equality, only to met with tear-gas and rubber bullets, isn't a striking piece of evidence that International Women's Day is still needed, I don't know what is.

And then came the men who genuinely see women as subservient to them and, for reasons best known to themselves, felt the need to use International Women's Day as a platform for their genuinely gross views:

"I hope all women learn a lesson.  Never leave a pub without a guy.  We give you a safe drive home, you give us sex in return.  This is what happens when women think they can do things on their own and be independent."

"Women's movements are always about putting down men.  Well if women were really so woke, they wouldn't wait years to report their sexual assaults, or talk about it on any platform other than to the police."

"Sexist bullshit.  Hope International Men's Day is given way more attention. Women are bound to protest it.  All feminists want is to crush men to the ground."

It's a sad indictment on (some!) men, when the only way they seem to be able to compute the idea that women deserve respect, is when they're reminded that their mothers are women.  Their sisters, their grandmothers and, if by some miracle these misogynists have them, their wives or girlfriends.  For some guys, it seems as though they can only get on board with being respectful if it's towards a specific woman, who they happen to know personally.  Any other female is fair game.

A case in point occurred when I went from Twitter to Facebook, in search of a conversation that would make me less liable to want to gouge my own eyes out.

Firstly, I caught up with a Coronation Street thread, about the forthcoming wedding of characters Kate and Rana (I ship them so hard, it physically hurts me to know that Rana's leaving the series).  Frustratingly, it didn't take long for the comments to turn nasty.  In the interest of fairness, I'll point out that plenty of women were moaning about not liking the characters, or being annoyed by the upcoming plots etc.  But it was the number of men who were saying things like "These two women get too much attention on the show.  Rana should have stayed with her husband!  As if you'd leave a man for a woman!" that really rankled.  It's as though misogyny on its own isn't enough - we have to also indulge in a bit of homophobia for fun, too.  And as a side note, come on; Rana's husband was a whinging dullard with nothing interesting to say for himself.  If she hadn't realised she was in love with her female best friend, I'd like to think she'd have left him eventually anyway, lest she die of boredom.

KANA FOREVER. *sigh*

Then, a page I follow on Facebook posted a sweet story about a guy who approached two men he thought were a couple, to ask if they would mind talking to him about how best he could support his son, who he suspected might be gay.  He wanted to know how to ensure his son felt safe and loved, without feeling pressured to come out before he was ready to.  The two men in question (who, it turned out, weren't a couple, but were gay and drew on their own experiences to help the guy) told him what an amazing job he was doing as a father, just by being so accepting about the whole thing.  The comments beneath the article were full of sweet, supportive statements.

AND THEN IN CAME THE MISOGYNIST.

"If these guys had been saying all this stuff to a woman, she'd have accused them of "mansplaining," instead of it being a sweet story.  Double standards!"

When a woman - perfectly politely - explained that no woman would accuse a guy of "mansplaining" if she'd actually asked him a question and he'd answered it, the dude told her she was "full of crap."  When another woman backed the first woman up and explained that "mansplaining" referred to a guy patronisingly telling a woman something she usually already knows, without having been asked to, Mr Misogynist responded by telling her: "You crazy women need to give up your war on men."  After a third woman replied, backing up the first two, the dude responded that all three were "nothing but feminist trash."

He eventually went on a long rant, explaining that "feminism is a disgusting cancer on society.  If you're a white cis man, you are a target of hatred.  Feminists believe in some imaginary "patriarchy" but if you look, you will see that feminism is nothing more than a movement to put men in their place and make females dominant.  It has nothing to do with equality.  It is a CANCER."

Ah, yes.  Cis white men.  The world's most truly oppressed group.

And what, pray tell, is a man's "place?"  Because for years, women have been told that their place is in the home, raising kids.  Or tied to the kitchen sink.  For years, we've been judged in ways men can't possibly begin to understand.

We're too fat.  Or too thin.  We're showing too much skin and should be ashamed.  We're not showing enough skin and should remember we're supposed to look sexy.  We're wrong to choose not to have kids, but we're awful if we have them and go back to work.  We should dress in a way that pleases men, but we're then responsible if one of them "can't help" but rape us, because we're too tempting.  We're too mousy and quiet, or we're too opinionated and over-emotional.  In far too many countries, we're still not allowed control over our own bodies.  In too many countries, we're still prevented from voting.  

I mean, for crying out loud, half the time, our trousers don't even have pockets!  Because somewhere along the line, some designer decided that women don't need to carry tissues, or small change, or have their phone close to them, or anything sensible like that.

I don't hate men.  I hate misogynists, but thankfully, not all men are misogynists.  I have male friends who appreciate that women are their equals.  I have male family members who are as appalled as I am when they hear of countries where women's rights are still practically in the Dark Ages.  I know men who don't only respect the women they're related to, or are in a relationship with.

But the misogynists are still out there.  Still shouting that feminism is cancer and that women are somehow "making up" the very real injustices we face.  Whether they truly believe that if women had real equality, it would somehow destroy their lives, or whether they just dislike women so much they can't bear the thought of them being treated like people is a whole other question.  But they exist.

They're the ones who question what you were wearing and whether you were walking alone, if you complain about being harassed.

They're the ones who claim there already is total equality and that the patriarchy is a myth, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

They're the ones who jump straight to calling you "an angry lesbian" if you reject their unsolicited dick pic.  Spoiler: that really happened to me.  As it turns out, I'm actually bisexual, but dudes like that make me much keener on girls.

They're the ones who derail International Women's Day by spending the whole day asking when International Men's Day is, only to be strangely silent on November 19th.  It's almost as if they're less concerned about having their own day, than they are about arguing against women having one, too.

I don't have the answers as to why men who seem to genuinely hate women are still a thing.  All I know is that I'm pretty damn tired of them.  So, next time you decide to be a misogynist, remember that the people you're targeting are living a life you've never experienced.  A life that still, in many parts of the world, offers them fewer opportunities than you get.  A life that will be judged in ways yours never will be.  

And then maybe, just maybe, ask yourself what's so terrible about treating people with equal respect, instead.

Is it ever "ONLY" words?!

I woke up to a really nice message, today.  That message came from someone who, a couple of years ago, had read a blog I wrote on here (about a certain book series I despise) and had disagreed with me to the point that she'd felt the need to attack me personally, in the comment section.  This person had contacted me to apologise and explained that she'd been going through some awful stuff and had taken her anger out on me and was wrong to have done so.  I told her that I had no hard feelings towards her whatsoever (because I genuinely don't), and I wished her well for the future.  I know that it's not always easy to own up to a mistake and to say "I was wrong," so I give her absolute credit for having the courage to have done so.  I really do hope that she will be okay and that she will have the wonderful life she deserves.

The trouble was, I didn't remember the comments she was apologising for.  And the reason I didn't remember them, was because there were so many abusive comments on that particular blog post, from so many different people.  When it feels like dozens and dozens of people are throwing stones at you, it's hard to remember which cut came from which rock.

And that's the thing: each and every nasty comment on that post was like a tiny weapon, sent to cause harm.  And whilst the person who messaged me to say sorry is completely and unreservedly forgiven as far as I'm concerned, I can't understand why the other people in that comment thread never stopped for a second to think "I shouldn't have said that."

People say "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  And that, dear readers, is utter rubbish.

I've written about the fact that words can hurt just as much as a physical blow before, but it never ceases to amaze me just how much damage they can cause, or how many people seem to think that words are simply meaningless things, to be tossed out with no thought for their effect on the person hearing or reading them.

I've known how much words can hurt, from a young age.

From when I was twelve years old, being told on the school bus (every single day) that I was so hideously ugly, that nobody - not even my parents - could possibly love me, and I ought to do the world a favour and kill myself, I knew the power that words had.

Because those words didn't just come out of the bully's mouth and then evaporate into nothingness.  They stayed.  They seeped into my brain and whispered to me, at night.  They played over and over in my mind, like an irritating song on the radio.  They clung to my clothes, so it felt like everyone who looked at me could see them.  They enveloped me until I became them.  And they hurt.

They hurt so much that it was like being punched in the stomach, or kicked in the chest.  I felt them.  I felt every syllable, slicing through me; a stabbing pain that left me utterly breathless.

But, according to some people at the time (a few of my classmates and even one or two teachers), what was happening to me didn't seem too big a problem, because it was "only words."

That's not a new thing, Ed.

Fast forward a few years, and 27 year old me found herself in love with an abusive man.  And this time, once I'd finally found the strength to walk away from him, it was me minimising my own experience.  Despite everything he'd done to me - every time he'd screamed in my face, or told me I was "weak and pathetic," or refused to let me touch him, because I made him feel "repulsed" - I found myself using the same phrase: "It was only words."

Because he never hit me, because he never raped me, it was somehow less awful.

Of course, it wasn't.  It was just a different kind of awful.  I know that, now.  But the very fact that I could minimise my own experience in that way, made me realise how common it is to think along those warped lines.  It's an excuse we make as a society too often: 

"They're just words, get over it."

"You're being way too sensitive."

"You really need to toughen up.  Just ignore them; don't read the comments if they upset you."

But words have a massive effect.  How many victims of bullying have to take their own lives, before we're prepared to accept that?  

A harsh insult, delivered with the intention of causing hurt to the person on the receiving end, is a weapon.  It may not look like a knife or a gun, but its impact can cause damage, all the same.  And it completely blows my mind that the people who post hateful words online, or who bully people in person, either don't think about the enormous damage that their words could - and often do - cause, or that they just don't care.

The person who messaged me, asked if I would mind finding her comments on the aforementioned blog post and deleting them for her.  She didn't stand by them and didn't like the thought of them still being there.  I completely appreciated that and I agreed to try to find them and get rid of them.

But, I had underestimated how difficult doing so would be.  You see, that blog post (Fifty Abusive Moments in Fifty Shades of Grey) has been read more than 1.3million times.  It's had 877 comments on it.  And, whilst some of those comments had been really lovely, supportive words from people who agreed with the contents of the post, there were many comments that were... Less so, shall we say.  In fact, there were so many that were hurtful, rude or downright abusive, that I had stopped reading any new ones, several hundred comments ago.  Finding this person's specific responses was going to be tough.

I won't lie to you; I didn't find them.

I did find a man calling me a "disgrace to writing."

I did find a woman telling me I was "utterly f*cking stupid."

And I did find one girl who told me "you should feel lucky that my phone cut off mid-rant, so you're only getting some of what I want to say to you," followed by a dismissal of the idea that I'd ever experienced abuse ("a real abuse survivor doesn't talk about it all the time - you're an attention seeker who just wants traffic to your pathetic little blog"), along with the charming end to her post: "YOU ARE A WHINY, SELFISH, PATHETIC, LYING, NASTY, CRYING LITTLE BITCH."

I Cribbins cried.

For context, let's just remember that the reason for all that hate?  Was because I was highlighting abusive moments from a so-called "LOVE story," and referring to my own experience of abuse when explaining why I think romanticising abuse in fiction is so dangerous.  Yes, what a bitch, I am.

Like I said earlier, it boggles my brain to think that the girl who wrote that despicably nasty comment, either didn't consider the effect her words might have on me, or genuinely wanted to hurt me with them.  And it's made all the worse by the fact that she also mentioned in her comment that she was a "real abuse survivor," so surely, she of all people should know what it feels like to be verbally attacked in such an awful way?!  She was probably angry, because I - a fellow survivor - was in a place where I felt able to talk openly about my experiences and I had regained the confidence and strength I lost, enabling me to firmly call out abuse for what it is.  Perhaps she wasn't there, yet.  Maybe she was still struggling to come to terms with her experience of abuse - I know I certainly misdirected a lot of anger and frustration, during my own recovery process.  But it's not an excuse to talk to people like that, without thought or apology.

I'd never noticed that girl's comment before, because, like I said earlier, I'd long since stopped reading the comments by the time she posted it.  But, once I read it, the effect was the same as it would have been, had she written it five minutes ago.

I felt that gut-punch sensation, that physically hurt as it took my breath away.  My head went light and nausea enveloped me.  For a few, horrible but brief seconds, I asked myself: "Am I just an attention seeker?  Was what happened to me abuse, or am I just calling it that to make people feel sorry for me?" (that was another of her claims).

But then I realised that all this had proved, in her apparently toned down comment, was that words have far more power than we can imagine.

They have the power to build people up.  To make them feel loved and safe.  But they have the power to break people down, too.  To make them feel frightened and isolated.  To make them feel worthless.

When a person is capable of doing that with their speech or their writing, it's not "only words" and it never will be.  Words can be used as weaponry, just as easily as they can bring comfort.  And it's not up to us to "toughen up" or "stop being so sensitive."

It's up to people to think about what they say, before they say it.  Or, like the person who messaged me, to think about it afterwards and offer an apology.

Words are wonderful things.  I just wish people considered their effect, before they use them to cause harm.

Two of The Most Annoying Words in The World: "Lighten Up!"

Regular readers of my blog will know that there are certain words and phrases that I just can't stand.  In fact, I wrote a whole entry about it, which you can read here.  But there were phrases I didn't add to that list, because they're worthy of a blog all of their own.  Those phrases, my friends, are the following:

• "Cheer up, it might never happen."
• "Lighten up!"

So, what is it about them that sets my teeth on edge and incurs my general wrath?  Well...

In the case of "lighten up," there's a particular time when it's used - badly - and that's usually in some kind of argument.  It's a knee-jerk reaction to being told that what you've said isn't funny or fair.  The problem is that by just saying "oh, lighten up," you're not listening to the other person's point of view.  Like... at all.

Take a case in point.  On April Fool's Day, Gwen Stefani decided to post a picture of an ultrasound scan, with the words "it's a girl!" on Twitter.  Whether or not you think fake pregnancy announcements are funny is beside the point, when it comes to what happened next...

A woman responded to the minor news story that broke when it turned out that the post was merely a prank, by saying that, as someone who had miscarried and was trying to get pregnant again, she felt that a fake pregnancy announcement wasn't actually very funny.  That's literally all she said.

ENTER THE TROLL.

Straight away, that woman (and anyone else who shared her view) received a response basically saying: "Lighten up."  I mean, those words were used amongst several profanities, because we all know trolls don't have the intellectual capacity to conduct any kind of real debate, but "lighten up" was most definitely present, as were a whole heap of personal insults, because... Well, reasons.

I watched this little Twitter drama unfolding for a while, as the woman responded to the troll by reminding her that just as the troll was entitled to her view that Gwen's joke was hilarious, she was entitled to her view that it was a bit insensitive.  She went on to remind her of the reason why she found it insensitive.

And the troll just came straight back with: "Oh FFS, get a sense of humour!  You're pathetic.  Lighten up!"

Or, to put it another way:  This troll was telling a woman with a legitimate reason to have found something upsetting (a recent miscarriage), that she was pathetic for not laughing along with the joke.  Like I said, regardless of whether you personally find fake pregnancy announcements funny or not, most of us should be switched on enough to know that not everyone will feel the same and that those who don't, probably have a reason for the way they react.  Here, a person was trying to explain why she didn't find the joke funny and all she got back was a dismissal.

THAT is why I have no time for the phrase "lighten up."  Too often, it's used as a way of completely avoiding having to take anyone else's opinions or feelings into consideration.  A person will use it when they've said or done something that someone else has a negative reaction to and rather than think about why they're reacting that way, the person just decides "well, I think it's funny, so they just need to lighten up."

Nope.

I'm not going to lie.  I have a bit of a weird sense of humour and I know for a fact that over the years, I've laughed at something deemed inappropriate and been called on it by someone who doesn't share my strangeness.  Never have I ever rolled my eyes and told that someone to "lighten up."  Why?  Because humour is subjective.  What I think is hilarious, isn't going to necessarily tickle everyone's funny bone.  Equally, I've been around people laughing at something I don't find funny (either because it's just not appealing to my sense of humour, or because it actually does offend me) and thankfully, most of my friends and family get that it's fine to have a different view of what's hilarious and what's not (to be fair, it helps that I laugh at most things...).

Everyone is free to laugh at whatever they like.  But if someone doesn't laugh, that's okay.  And if they try to explain why they're not laughing, the very last thing we should be doing is shutting them down and ignoring what they're trying to say.  "Lighten up" is an expression that can do just that.  I know, because I've been on the receiving end of it many a time.  

Someone close to me once made a "joke" about how I'll probably never have kids.  I know, hahahahahahaaaaaaa.  The one thing I want more than anything in the world, but I'm single and poor and it's not happening any time soon.  For fairly obvious reasons, I didn't laugh.  At all.  But when I expressed how hurt I was at the joke, guess what I was told?  "Lighten up!"

Seriously, do as she says.

And no, it's not about wrapping people up in cotton wool and protecting them at all costs.  The irony is that I make jokes at my own expense all the time.  So, I'm not averse to jokes about me - even jokes that might seem a bit harsh - as long as they're funny, and as long as I'm not the butt of every personal joke you make over the course of an evening.  

It's about listening to another person's point of view and showing a little respect for it, even if you vehemently disagree.  It's about admitting when you've crossed a line, rather than dismissing the person you've upset.  It's about, to quote Adam Hills, not being a dick.

In the end, I waded into the argument on Twitter.  I told the troll that the woman had given a legitimate reason for being upset at the original joke and that it was insensitive to dismiss her.  And guess what they sent me back?

"Lighten up or get off social media!"

Funnily enough, it turns out that trolls are sensitive little kittens, because when I responded that I most certainly wouldn't be getting off social media, because I had no intention of being told what to do by someone so pig-headed that they couldn't - or wouldn't - look beyond themselves to consider another person's feelings, the troll blocked me.  Which frankly, I saw as a result.

There's something intrinsically arrogant about someone who never pauses to listen to someone else, or who assumes that everyone either thinks the same way they do, or are just wrong.  

And that leads me nicely to the other phrase I can't stand.

"Cheer up, it might never happen," is one of those things that gets shouted at people - usually women, it has to be said - by total strangers, in the street.  That, along with "smile, love," desperately needs to be wiped off the face of the Earth as soon as possible.

Essentially, it has nothing to do with human compassion and everything to do with "your face isn't appealing to me at the moment, so you need to do something to make it look nicer."

UM, NO, YOU ARE A LITTLE UMBRELLA MONKEY-FACED QUACK SACK.

I don't know about you guys, but this is not how I walk down streets:

It's a sidewalk, not a catwalk.  Except I'm English, so it's a pavement.

I mean, how do you know I didn't just get told I have three months to live?  Telling me to "cheer up," when you're a total stranger to me just marks you out as a douche canoe, because you're not going to follow it up with "hey, are you okay?  Want to talk about it?"  You don't actually care about my feelings, oh gobby stranger, you just want me to grin so that my face is slightly more acceptable to you.

Besides which, how do you know that the idea that "it" might never happen isn't actually the reason I'm not smirking like a loon in the first place?!  I might be thinking about the fact that I may never make it as a writer.  Telling me "cheer up, it might never happen" would therefore be the worst thing you could possibly say - and the last thing that would make me feel cheery.

And who goes around grinning like a Cheshire cat all the time, anyway?!  If we all did that, the world wouldn't be a brighter place, it would be utterly terrifying.

Imagine a world where everyone just grinned ALL THE TIME.  Tell me you're not horrified.

For all you know, I might not be sad at all.  I might be wandering around, trying to remember a song lyric that's been in my head.  I could be thinking about what I fancy for lunch.  I might just be daydreaming about Phil Lester and his general loveliness.

Actually, it's usually that last one.

But whatever is going on in my mind, the fact is that deep down, I hate "cheer up, it might never happen" for the same reason as "lighten up."  When you get to the bare bones of it, it's just hugely dismissive.

When a stranger yells it at you in the street, they're not actually bothered about why you might not be smiling.  They don't want to know.  It doesn't interest them.  They just expect you to be smiling, because they want you to.  Just like people who snap "oh, lighten up," expect you to be laughing, because they are, regardless of how hard you try to explain why you don't find something funny.

Having "smile, love" etc shouted at you in the street doesn't make you want to flash a gorgeous grin.  It makes you want to do this:

But then they'll just tell you to "lighten up" and the circle of Hell continues.

As is so often the case with my rants, this whole thing basically boils down to our need to listen to each other and understand that we're all coming from different places.  If someone doesn't get our jokes, fine.  That's just their sense of humour.  And if someone doesn't walk around grinning all the time, fine.  That's just their... Well, face.

Let's not casually dismiss people's views just because they don't match up with ours.  Maybe the next time you make a joke and someone says they find it offensive, shrug your shoulders and if an apology is necessary, be a big enough person to make one.  Then move on.  No "lighten up" required.

Oh, and just don't tell a stranger to cheer up.  Ever.

You're damn right, Buffy.

On that note, it's about time I gorged myself on leftover Easter egg, whilst watching TV.  And the only lightening up I'll be doing is messing with the screen brightness.

Hiding Behind The Screen

Last week, I wrote a blog about emotional abuse.  It was pretty personal; I detailed some of my own experiences of emotional abuse in my last relationship.  To say that writing it was difficult is an understatement and it's fair to say that on some level, putting it out there into the public domain was a little scary.

The response was largely positive and supportive and for that I am incredibly grateful.  However, one comment sent chills down my spine when I read it.  That comment suggested that I'm incapable of caring for anyone but myself.  It said I have a "cold, tiny heart."  It told me that I was only considering my needs and feelings and I had no consideration for my poor ex.

Except...  Well, if you read the blog, you'll see that whilst in the relationship, I put my ex's needs and feelings ahead of my own time and time again, to the detriment of my own well being.  I believed him, supported him and was abused in return.  My "cold, tiny heart" belonged entirely to him, unconditionally and with all the support he could have asked for.

Still, my thoughts when I read the comment (after I had stopped feeling physically sick and shaking) weren't for wanting to defend myself - after all, I have done nothing that requires defence,  Instead, there was one question in my mind:  Why?

We're all humans, with differing views.  Anything we read, watch or listen to, we are able to form an opinion on.  That opinion may be coloured by our past experiences.  That in itself is fine.  I'm certainly the last person in the world who's going to sit here and write a blog in which I suggest that having an opinion is of itself a bad thing!  I'm also absolutely not going to suggest that expressing that opinion is of itself wrong.  To do so would not only be inaccurate, but stupid - I'm writing a blog!  I express opinions all the time!

However, there is a line that I don't believe should be crossed.  

If you've got an opinion, by all means share it.  But before you do, consider who you're sharing it with and consider how you're sharing it.

The Internet is an amazing thing, connecting people from all walks of life.  But the safety of sitting behind a screen can dehumanise communication at times.  Every now and then, someone seems so intent on expressing their opinion, that they don't take the same consideration for the person they're speaking to that they might normally.  Instead of saying "I disagree and this is why," as you'd hope they would in reality, a person online might simply bash out the words: "YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG!  I HOPE SOMEONE BEATS SOME SENSE INTO YOU!"

Would we do that in reality?  Or is it just that "talking" to someone from behind a screen gets rid of all those inconvenient social niceties that prevent most of us from being cruel or inappropriate?

Or is it that in this fast-moving world, we no longer have the time to sit and consider our reaction before we hit "send?"

Whatever the reason, it's my view that words are powerful.  We can use them as tools to educate, or as weapons to destroy.  After all, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can cut much deeper.

Having an opinion is our right.  Expressing that opinion is equally our right.  But before we furiously hammer the keys on our computer, putting our views out there in the most thoughtless way possible, perhaps we ought to remember that whilst we can't see the person on the other side of the screen, it doesn't mean they don't exist.  It doesn't mean that our words can't touch a nerve.

There is no sense in hiding behind a screen, firing off vitriol at a person we probably haven't even met (and more than likely never will), simply because we disagree with their views.  Jumping to insults is, after all, the quickest way to lose an argument.

Somewhere out there, sitting behind another screen, is a person reading your words.  Hiding behind a computer might make it very easy to metaphorically shoot that person down.  But it being easy doesn't make it right.

That's not to say that I don't approve of debate.  I love debate.  Discussion and debate is how we learn, how we move forwards and, done well, can actually be a healthy way to show respect for someone whose views we disagree with.  You're giving that person time to air their views and you're giving yourself a chance to respond.  That is brilliant and in no way am I suggesting that healthy debate should be discouraged.

But it's the all-too-frequent reliance of some people on negativity, insults and even threats that I feel needs to be stamped out.  If you disagree with someone over a trivial matter in "real life," would you respond by threatening to physically attack them?  If not (and I really hope the answer to that is a resounding "no"), why is it acceptable to respond that way online?

The answer is, simply, that it isn't.

So, be proud of your opinions and express them at will.  But remember that you're not just flinging random letters into the ether.  Debate, discuss and argue by all means.  But the second you resort to judgements, insults or threats, your point, however valid, is dismissed.  The argument - regardless of who is truly right or wrong - has been lost.

Let's not hide behind our screens, throwing hate out into the world.  Let's really read the words people are putting out there and respond with a little respect and maturity, whether we agree with them or not.