Sunday, 18 October 2015

Dear Arrogant People...


Ah, confidence.  It's something some people have in bucket loads, whilst other poor souls don't seem to have any at all.  Confidence can be a great thing.  It can inspire you to take on new challenges, push yourself to the limits and step right out of your comfort zone.  Confidence can be enviable.  It can be sexy.  But there's a line that some people cross and when they do, that confidence stops being sexy in the slightest.  In fact, it turns into something downright ugly: arrogance.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking you're good at something.  There's a whole steaming pile of things wrong with thinking you're better than everyone else and should be worshipped as some kind of hero.  Thinking you're above people, thinking you're too good to have to bother with basic decency and manners, or that everyone should fall over themselves to do your bidding... That doesn't make you a hero.  That, my friends, makes you an arsehole.

Arrogance is irritating.  It's probably my number one turn-off in a prospective partner and it's something guaranteed to make me balk at the idea of having to spend any length of time with a person.  But above all, arrogance is stupid.  It's utterly, ridiculously stupid.  And because I'm someone with half an hour to spare, I'm going to explain why.

Look at yourself in the mirror.  The image you see reflected back might be gorgeous.  You might think you're the sexiest creature ever to walk the Earth.  But you are a human.  And humans, ladies and gentlemen, are massively flawed and often incredibly dumb.

Oh, sure, we've sent rockets to the moon, we've created amazing methods of travel and we've developed cures for diseases that would otherwise kill us.  But make no mistake about it, none of us is perfect.

Take me, for example.  I have an uncanny ability to trip over thin air.  I talk to inanimate objects.  The other day, I made myself a cup of tea and then tried to put the kettle in the fridge, instead of the milk.  I really don't have any grand ideas of perfection, because... Well, duh.


The idea of being so cocky that you think you're constantly right, constantly gorgeous and constantly better than anyone else is bloody hysterical.  Rest assured, if you're arrogant, I am laughing at you.  I will forever be laughing at you.  Because you are being unintentionally hilarious.

You are no better than anyone else.  You bleed the same colour as the rest of us.  You will suffer the same human foibles that we all do.  

You'll feel a compulsion to touch something with a "warning: HOT" sticker on it.  You know, just to be sure (see also: "WET PAINT" signs).

Every now and then, you'll pull a door that has "PUSH" written on the handle.  Then, you'll have to decide whether to try to brush the incident off, or whether you'll do the elaborate "haha, look at me, silly thing" routine, as though you did it on purpose because you are intentionally funny..

Once in a while, despite being a fully functioning human, you'll accidentally bite the insides of your own mouth.  Or, during a meal, you'll inadvertently attempt to chew your own tongue.

You will, at some point, find it almost impossible to open a bin bag and will find yourself wrestling with a seemingly sealed shut rectangle of plastic.  You will almost certainly swear at it, as though that will help in the situation.

You will (at least, if you're British), have someone walk into you accidentally and you will feel compelled to apologise to them for your very presence.

You will eventually find yourself having a conversation with someone who says something you don't quite catch.  And, after asking them to repeat it and still not hearing them properly, you will eventually have to hope that smiling and nodding is the appropriate response (whilst harbouring fear that you've just grinned and said "ah, great" to the news that said person's cat has just died).

At some point in your life, you may do a fart that might not be just a fart.

You will lose your keys/glasses/phone, even if only momentarily.  And you will panic.

There will come a day when you will totally lose your cool around someone you really, really like.

Somehow, despite the seemingly impossible nature of the act, you will eventually fall upstairs.

YOU ARE JUST A HUMAN.  AND WE ARE ALL FLAWED.


So, yeah.  I hate arrogance.  I hate, loathe and despise it.  But most of all, I find it hilariously stupid.  

And now, hopefully, so do you.









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