Bedtime Story (6/5/2015)

Well, we've just had Star Wars Day and I talked in my last personal blog about my love of Doctor Who, so it feels right that this week's bedtime story has a sci-fi theme...

Jessica's Spaceship

Jessica's birthday was fast approaching.  Every morning, whilst they ate their breakfast, Jessica's mum would ask: "What do you want for your birthday, Jess?"

And every morning, Jessica would reply: "A spaceship."

Jessica was desperate to fly into space.  Her dreams were full of stars, distant planets and aliens.  She wanted to explore the galaxy, whizzing past comets and satellites.  She longed to walk on the moon.

On the eve of her birthday, Jessica's dad asked: "What do you want for your birthday, Jess?"  

And as she climbed into bed, Jessica replied:  "A spaceship."

The next morning, when Jessica woke, she went dashing into her parents' room.  Her mum and dad were already awake, bleary-eyed, but smiling.  On their bed was an enormous box, wrapped in sparkly, silver paper.  Jessica rushed towards the box and tore off the paper as fast as she could.  As she did, her eyes lit up.  "A spaceship!"

On the side of the box was a picture of a big, blue and white spaceship ride-along toy.  "You can really ride on a spaceship now," her dad said, proudly.  "We'll take it out to the garden after breakfast."

All day, Jessica rocketed around the garden, making whooshing noises and searching for aliens.  Her eyes were wide with excitement and her face was lit up with a beaming smile.  Finally, as the sun began to sink lower in the sky, she asked her dad: "Can I take my spaceship up to my room?"

Her dad chuckled to himself.  "Go on then," he said.  "Seeing as it's your birthday."

That night, as Jessica snuggled down in bed, she glanced at her spaceship one last time and smiled a happy, dreamy smile.  After such a busy day, she fell asleep quickly, but before long, she was awoken by a bright light.  

Jessica yawned and rubbed her eyes.  As she did, she was astonished to realise that the light was coming from her spaceship!

Jessica threw back her bed covers and jumped out of bed.  She sat on her spaceship ride-along toy and, to her surprise, she heard a voice, counting down:

"10...9...8..."

Jessica felt a sudden breeze as her bedroom window burst open.  She reached out for her dressing gown and quickly tugged it on.

"7...6...5..."

The spaceship began to rumble and move beneath her.  Jessica's mouth popped open in shock!

"4...3...2...1...BLAST OFF!"

The spaceship hovered for a few seconds, before zooming out of the window and up into the night sky!  Jessica clung on tightly, as she rose higher and higher.  She looked down and watched her house getting smaller and smaller.  Ahead of her were the stars she'd spent so long wanting to visit.  It had finally happened - she was in space!

Jessica whizzed past clouds of interstellar dust and watched satellites orbiting the Earth.  She zipped past planets and waved, shouting "hello," just in case any aliens heard...

Jessica saw the sun, so big and fiery in the sky, as she flew faster and faster than ever before.  She dodged comets and asteroids.  She zoomed around the rings of Saturn.

Finally, her spaceship turned and headed for the moon.  Jessica slowed right down and jumped onto the rocky surface, floating from foot to foot, shrieking with glee, before leaping right back onto her spaceship for one last blast through the stars.

All too soon, her spaceship began to fly back to Earth.  The sky grew lighter and lighter, until eventually, Jessica came shooting back through her bedroom window and landed with a bump.  She scrambled out and rushed to close the window, before jumping back under her covers.

Her bedroom door creaked open and her dad poked his head into the room.  "Is everything okay?"  He asked.

Jessica nodded, a wide smile still on her face.  "Yes," she told him.  

"I heard a bang," her dad insisted.

"Oh dad," Jessica laughed.  "You must have been dreaming."

And with that, Jessica turned over, closed her eyes and fell fast asleep.

THE END

May The Fourth Be With You...

You may know today's date as simply "the 4th of May."  But to a huge number of people, today is a bit more special than that.  It's "May The Fourth."  It's Star Wars Day.

You might think that that sounds a little bit sad.  A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away), I might have agreed with you.  But now?  Not a chance.

You see, "nerdiness" is too often seen as something negative.  In too many people's eyes, those who like sci-fi (or fantasy, comic books, or computer games etc) are all geeky types, with thick-lensed glasses and an inability to communicate with the opposite sex...

I *might* have accidentally described myself there, but bear with me...

The trouble with seeing geeky people in a generally negative light, is that it's just too much of a stereotype.  You say the word "nerd" and it doesn't conjure up a positive image of a confident, attractive person in many people's minds.  It's a word that's used as an insult.  And I think that's wrong.  I think it's time to reclaim it.

So, a nerd like me might be able to list all of the actors who've ever played The Doctor in Doctor Who (in the correct order, of course), but why is that sadder than someone knowing who all of the previous winners of The X Factor are?

So, a nerd like me might not be able to see a toaster without wanting to shriek "given that God is infinite and that the universe is also infinite... WOULD ANYONE LIKE ANY TOAST?!" a la Red Dwarf, but is that really so much more pathetic than worshipping some sappy sod with only a tenuous grasp of the English language, just because he's on The Only Way is Essex?

The things that we all enjoy are surely so subjective, that there practically is no majority opinion?  For every person who dismisses sci-fi fans as "nerds," there's someone excitedly polishing their lightsaber for Comic Con, after all (not a euphemism, honest...).

And there's nothing wrong with that.

I've been a nerd my whole adult life.  I wasn't the popular, pretty kid at school.  I was the one who had to dodge being spat on, on the school bus.  I'd had plans to go to drama school, or at least study musical theatre at university.  I wanted to be on the stage; I wanted to sing and act.  But bullying shook the confidence out of me so thoroughly that by the age of only 12/13, I'd long buried that dream and accepted my fate.

But that's not to say that I gave up.  Of course I didn't.  I realised that I could still be creative, by writing stories.  I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and eventually had three books published.  I was still following my dreams, it's just that those dreams were different.

And somewhere along the line, I stopped seeing "nerdy" as an insult, whether it was thrown at me or at someone else.  I started to wear it as a badge of honour.

Literally.

When people say you're "nerdy" about something, more often than not, what they really mean is that you're passionate about it.  And that thing that you're passionate about might be something that's deemed "uncool," like a sci-fi TV show or movie franchise.  But what could be more awesome than being passionate about something, regardless of what that thing is?  Having excitement about something is one of the ways we prove we're alive!  Being involved in a franchise can make people who often feel left-out or "different" (like I did, back when I was that awkward kid being picked on at school) feel as though they're part of something.  It's your world.  It's safe and it's exciting and nobody can take it from you.

For me, whilst I enjoy Star Wars, it's not my biggest "nerdy" passion.  That potentially dubious honour falls to Doctor Who; an equally "geeky" obsession, I'm sure you'll agree.  And yes, I've had many people tell me how silly I am for being devoted to a show about a bloke who can change his face over and over and who spends his life, travelling the universe in a box that's bigger on the inside, battling alien foes and saving made-up planets.  It sounds silly.  Maybe it is.

But it's also a show that teaches viewers not to give up on something that's important.  

It's a show that explores love and how far we're prepared to go for someone who means the world to us.

It's a show that celebrates being different, rather than mocking those who are.

I'm proud - yes, massively, massively proud - to be a fan of a show that does those things.  I'm proud to align myself with something - even a fictional something - in which good triumphs over bad.  In the world we live in, there are far too many things that we could become bogged down by; way too many troubles that occupy our minds.  Isn't a little escapism what we all need, from time to time?

"Nerds" are just people who are passionate about something that might not be deemed "cool."  Often, they're amongst the brightest, funniest and most thoughtful people you could wish to meet.  Sure, some of them are a little... Different.  But what is life about, if not embracing those who aren't the same as ourselves and learning from them?  We grow richer when we experience new things, after all.

So this year on Star Wars Day, here's a little pledge from me:  I'm reclaiming "nerd" and "nerdy."  Wear those labels with pride and remember it's better to stand out from the herd than to blend in.  It's better to have a passion, than to blindly flick through the TV channels, without becoming emotionally invested in anything.  If you're nerdy, then as far as I'm concerned, you're awesome.

May the force be with you. ;-)

Bedtime Story (29/4/2015)

Greedy Pig!

George was a pig.  A very greedy pig.

George was always hungry.  He never joined in with the games the other pigs played, because he was always on the lookout for something tasty to eat.

"Oh, George, you greedy pig!"  The others would cry.  "Why don't you come and roll in the mud with us?  Or play in the pig pen?"  But George would simply lie in his bed and snooze until it was time for his next meal.  And even whilst he snoozed, he dreamt of food.

One evening, George had just finished a delicious meal of corn, apples and oatmeal.  For pudding, he'd eaten the scraps all the other pigs had left in their troughs for good measure!

George gave a contented sigh and flopped down onto his bed.  He was just nicely full up - his favourite feeling!  He yawned a sleepy "goodnight" to the other pigs and settled down to sleep.

He hadn't been sleeping for long, when George heard an unusual sound.  He opened one eye and looked around.  All the other pigs were fast asleep.  Dark shadows loomed all around then pig pen and the moon cast a white glow over the farmyard.  Everything looked just the same as it always did.  George shook his head and went back to sleep.  Before long, he was awoken again, by another strange sound.  This time, louder than the last.  

"Did you hear that?"  He asked his friend, Daryl.  Daryl grunted and rolled over.  The sound came again, this time even louder.  Daryl opened his eyes and nodded at George.  George glanced around the farmyard and, to his horror, he saw a shadowy creature, heading for the hen house.

"It's a fox!"  Daryl yelped, waking up the other sleeping pigs.  "What are we going to do?"

George rattled the bars of the pig pen with his trotters, pushing all of his considerable weight against them.  "Hey, you!"  He cried to the fox.  "Come and pick on someone your own size!"

The fox slunk over to the pig pen and narrowed his eyes at George.  "Look what you've done, you silly pig," he hissed.  "You've woken up all the chickens!"

"You were going to eat them!"  George exclaimed.

The fox's tummy rumbled.  "I'm hungry," he insisted.  "You can hardly blame me for wanting a late-night snack!"

George frowned.  "You're not as hungry as I am," he told the fox.  "And I can prove it."

The fox sat back and chuckled to himself.  "You have a farmer to feed you," he explained.  "I have to fend for myself.  There's no way you're as hungry as I am."

George smirked.  "That sounds like a challenge," he said.  "How about we make a deal?  If I can prove that I'm hungrier than you, then you have to promise to leave the chickens alone."

The fox laughed out loud.  "DEAL!"

By now, all the other pigs were awake and were watching what was going on.  They whispered to one another, excited to see what was about to happen.

"Around the back of the farmhouse, there is a big wheelie bin," George explained.  "It's full of scraps of food that the farmer and his family throw away.  If you can push the bin back here, we'll fill two troughs with food.  The first of us to eat it all will be the winner!"

Again, the fox laughed, certain that he'd win.  He raced away and returned, several minutes later, puffing and panting as he pushed the bin towards the pig pen.  "I've worked up quite an appetite," he warned George.  "I'm definitely going to win!"  He stood on his hind legs and pushed open the lid of the bin with his paws.  Slowly, he tossed food down to the pigs below, who hurried to fill two troughs, so that the competition could begin.

At last, the troughs were full.  "First one to empty their trough wins, remember?"  George told the fox.  "And if I win, you leave our chickens alone!"

The race began.  George stuck his snout into the trough and began to devour stale bread, apple cores and vegetable peelings.  Beside him, the fox hungrily snapped up pizza slices, baked beans and leftover meat from the family's Sunday roast.

As the race went on, George's tummy began to feel full.  He'd eaten so much at dinner that he wasn't sure he had room for any more.  He watched the fox, greedily munching his way through the food and he began to worry that he was going to lose!  With a deep intake of breath, George carried on stuffing food into his mouth, until there were only a few morsels left in the trough.  He turned to the 

fox.  They were neck and neck, with just a few scraps left in his trough, too!  But George could see that the fox was struggling.  He'd been hungry for so long, that his stomach had gotten full much faster than George's.

The fox sat back, shaking his head.  "I can't finish it," he panted.

George managed a smile.  "Neither can I," he confessed.  "I think maybe both of us were being a bit too greedy..."

The fox rubbed his swollen belly with a paw and sighed.  "I'm too full to eat the chickens now," he admitted.  "You win."

"George!"  Daryl the pig squeaked.  "You saved the day!"  The pigs all cheered as George sank down onto his bed, groaning.

"You saved the chickens," the fox nodded.  "To be honest, I think I like this food better, anyway.  Although I won't be needing to eat again for a while..."

"Me neither," George moaned.  "I feel a bit sick!"

"Can I come back and eat this stuff again, when I feel better?"  The fox asked.

"You're welcome to it," George said, managing a smile.  "First thing in the morning, I'm going on a diet!"

Everybody laughed, as the fox slunk away into the shadows.  George closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.  And for once, he didn't dream of food...

Derren Brown's "Miracle" - a Spoiler-Free Review!

For me, one of the biggest thrills in life is seeing something that you simply can't explain.  Some people want to learn all of the secrets behind how an illusion or trick is performed, but I enjoy that sensation of feeling completely unable to process how something was done.  Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to let me in on a few secrets, I'll listen and marvel at the skill involved in bringing it all together on stage, but in all honesty, for me, part of the fun is in not knowing how an effect was achieved.  When it's a mystery, it's all the more magical, after all.  I like few things better than sitting down to watch a magic show, or a psychological illusion.  I'm cheerfully waiting to have my mind blown...

And so it was that I sat down in my seat at the Theatre Royal in Plymouth, to watch the incredibly talented Derren Brown's latest stage show, Miracle.

Seeing one of Derren's shows is a strange experience, in as much as even if you've seen him live before (as I had), you still don't entirely know what to expect.  After all, this is a man who has played Russian Roulette with live bullets and lived to tell the tale.  This is a man who, on his Svengali tour, had me genuinely believing that my arm was made of wood and beyond the control of my body.  This is a man who disproved mediumship, whilst telling audience members all about their dead relatives...

Derren quite rightly frowns upon spoilers, so I won't give away any of the secrets from his Miracle show.  What I will say, is that I watched my mum (a "Derren virgin," as she put it) shuffle closer to the edge of her seat as the show progressed.  I watched her mouth begin to hang open, until at one point, her jaw dropped completely.  At one moment in the show, I looked to my left and right, at my mum and my friend Lizzie beside me and simply shrieked: "What the actual f***????!!!!  That's not possible!!!"

It's reactions like that, that make Derren Brown's shows so special.  From the man in the row in front of us, who turned to his girlfriend and said "I don't know how the HELL he did that..." to the woman who ended up on stage and who was later overheard in the car park beside the theatre, numbly muttering "I swear it was real," over and over, the gasps of amazement are a delight to behold.

Derren's shows usually centre around a theme and Miracle is no different.  For this show, Derren is analysing the passing of time, the stories we tell ourselves and the ability to step outside of ourselves.  I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to say that it's a show that will amaze you and make you think.

But in amongst the trickery, the mind-boggling stunts and the eeriness, there's warmth and humour.  Derren knows how to entertain a crowd.  He knows how to encourage nervous participants up onto the stage.  He knows how to relax an entire audience with a joke.  I can definitely say that I laughed out loud probably just as many times as I gawped in bewilderment.  Although, that wasn't all down to Derren... whoever it was who farted loudly during a serious moment of complete silence: I salute you, my gassy friend.

And Derren, I salute you, too.  What a show!  Yet again, I walked out of the theatre in a state of awe, feeling a childlike wonder at what I'd seen.

I don't want to spoil it for anyone else.  I don't want to know how it's all done.  I just want more of it.

Bedtime Story (22/4/2015)

It's that time of week again!  This week's bedtime story was originally written for my ABC Animals series of children's books, but unfortunately, it never saw the light of day.  I decided it felt wrong to keep this character and her story languishing on my laptop, so here it is!

Eleanor The Envious Elephant

Eleanor Elephant couldn’t help envying her classmates.  She often found herself wishing she was as pretty as Kirstie Koala, or as confident as Harry Hippo.  She even wished she was as quick to speak her mind as Alana the Angry Alligator.

To make matters worse, Eleanor was in her final year at Jungle Junior School and she just knew that when she started at Jungle Senior, she’d find even more creatures to envy.

Eleanor was a bright pupil.  Her teacher, Mr Leopard, often praised her for her hard work and good manners.  She was helpful, kind and her classmates liked her a lot.

But Eleanor wasn’t content.  When she caught sight of her reflection, she’d sigh.  Her ears were too big.  Her skin was too bumpy.  Eleanor envied other animals, who seemed to look just right, whilst she felt clumsy and awkward.

She tried not to show it, but deep inside, Eleanor was a rather unhappy elephant...

One afternoon, as school was finishing, Sally Swallow, the school secretary popped her head around the classroom door.  “I’ve got a request from Archie Aardvark,” she said.  “Miss Giraffe usually helps run the art club after school, but she can’t today.  Would one of our older students like to help out instead?”

The children began rolling their eyes.  “As if I haven’t spent enough time at school,” Alana Alligator snapped.  “Count me out!”

One by one, they made their excuses, until there was only Eleanor left.  She shifted in her seat and took a deep breath.  “Okay.  I’ll help.”

Mr Leopard smiled.  “That’s really kind of you, Eleanor.  Archie Aardvark will be very grateful.  I’ll make sure Mrs Swallow lets your mum know you’ll be late home.”

Eleanor watched as her classmates began grabbing their coats and bags.  “Thanks,” Kirstie Koala said.  “I’d have offered, but I’ve promised to help mum get ready for my sister’s birthday party.”

Eleanor nodded.  “It’s fine,” she said.  But she didn’t feel fine.

Trudging down the corridor, Eleanor felt uneasy.  What if the art club members didn’t like her?  What if they laughed at her big ears, or bumpy trunk?  She gazed at Lindsey Leopard and Jennifer Jaguar as they made their way past.  They were so pretty and graceful!  Eleanor caught sight of her own reflection in the glass as she reached the door to the Art Club.  She was so... Different.

With a sigh, Eleanor pushed open the door.  Inside the classroom were two round tables, with eager animals sitting at them.  The room was filled with the sound of excited voices. 

Archie Aardvark grinned.  “Welcome to Art Club, Eleanor.  Thank you so much for helping.”

Eleanor managed a smile.  “You’re welcome,” she replied.  “What would you like me to do?”

Archie glanced over his shoulder at the two tables.  “The older animals are using mirrors to paint self-portraits,” he told her.  “The younger ones are making cards for their friends and families.  Our job is to keep an eye on everyone and help if they get stuck.  Okay?”

Eleanor nodded.  Archie smiled and joined the youngsters, who were chattering as they glued sequins onto brightly coloured pieces of card.  Eleanor trudged to the other table. 

“Do you want to paint a self-portrait?”  Stephanie Salamander asked.  Eleanor shrunk back.  She hated looking at herself in the mirror.  She was always finding things she didn’t like and that only made her envy everyone else more.  She shook her head.

“No thanks,” she replied. 

Stephanie Salamander picked up a round mirror and stared into it.  She shrieked with laughter.  “Look how slimy my skin looks, close up!”

Gerald Giraffe stared at himself in a long, rectangular mirror.  “My legs are so thin,” he chuckled.  “And look how long my neck is!”

Eleanor frowned.  They were laughing at themselves!  She glanced into one of the mirrors.  All she saw was rough skin, tiny eyes, enormous ears...  She sighed.  There didn’t seem much to laugh about.  Yet the children were giggling so much that Tamara Tree Frog leaped away from the card she was making and came hopping across the room to join in.

“I have big, bulgy eyes!”  She cried as she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

Rhianna Rhinoceros laughed.  “You should join in, Eleanor.  It’s fun.”  She held up a mirror and peered into it.  “Look at my wrinkles.  I look like I’m a hundred years old!”

Eleanor was confused.  “But you’re supposed to have wrinkles,” she said.  “You’re a rhinoceros.”  She turned to Tamara.  “Those bulgy eyes are just right for you.  There’s nothing wrong with any of you.”

“We know,” Tamara replied.  “But don’t you ever look at yourself and notice funny little things like these?”

Eleanor sighed.  “All the time,” she said.  “I wish I could change my big ears and silly nose.”

“But then you wouldn’t be you,” Tamara gasped.  “I sometimes wish I was as big as you are...”

Eleanor’s eyes widened.  “You want to be like me?”  She interrupted.  She’d spent so long envying others that she’d never even imagined that anyone might admire her.

Tamara nodded.  “Yes,” she said.  “But then I think of how silly I’d look.  Whoever heard of a frog the size of an elephant?!”  She paused.  “And if you had a different nose, or smaller ears, don’t you think you’d look silly, too?”

Eleanor smiled in spite of herself.  “I suppose so.” 

Rhianna held out a mirror.  “Come on Eleanor,” she said.  “You’re a work of art, just like we are.  Why don’t you join in?”

Eleanor grinned.  “Okay!” 

Tamara hopped back to finish the card she’d been making as Eleanor took a seat at the table.  The rest of the time passed in a haze of laughter, as the animals painted their pictures and hung them up to dry.  Before long, it was time to tidy up and go home.

Archie Aardvark thanked her for her help, before Eleanor went to fetch her coat and bag.  Then, just as she was leaving, she heard a voice.

“Eleanor, wait!”

Eleanor spun round to see Tamara Tree-Frog hopping towards her, waving something in her hand.  Archie Aardvark and the rest of the animals from the Art Club were watching and smiling. 

“We wanted you to have this,” Tamara said.  She handed Eleanor a pink envelope with her name written on it.  “Archie said we could make a card for anyone we wanted, so we made this for you.”  She smiled.  “It’s to say thanks and... Well, you can read it.” 

“Thank you,” Eleanor replied.

She opened the envelope to reveal a pink card with a blue elephant on the front, made from sequins and glitter.  Eleanor smiled.  She opened the card and read the words:

“To Eleanor,

Thank you for helping us today.  We think you’re perfect, just the way you are!

Love from everyone at Art Club xxx”

A lump formed in Eleanor’s throat.  She found herself grinning as she stood, surrounded by all the other animals.  She felt good.  She felt perfect. 

“Thank you so much,” she beamed.  As the animals smiled back at her, Eleanor knew that she didn’t have to spend her time envying anyone else.  She was fine as she was!

Soon, everyone began saying their goodbyes and heading to their separate jungle homes.  Eleanor watched them leave, with a smile on her face.  As the last animal disappeared from view, Eleanor caught sight of her reflection in the long, rectangular mirror and smiled.

Her ears were big.  Her skin was bumpy.  Her nose was long.

And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

THE END

Nothing To Say...

The trouble with blog-writing, is that once you commit to it, you're supposed to keep it up.  Regular little updates are expected, on anything from the biggest news stories of the day, to simply what you had for dinner last night (a very nice roast, if you're interested, which I'm sure you're not).  And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, inspiration just doesn't come.  From anywhere.  So, you find yourself sitting in front of your laptop, desperately hammering the keys, in the hope that you can write about something - anything - before eventually slumping onto the keyboard, in a state of silent panic that you've actually lost the ability to write at all.

The funny thing is, I've not run out of subjects.  It's just that it sometimes feels as though I've covered everything I want to say at that very moment, already.  Following her despicable piece about wanting to drown (or shoot) migrants this weekend, I was tempted to blog about Katie Hopkins, but... Well, I've done that already.  Then I thought about writing a piece on the awful abuse Sue Perkins received, after being (apparently wrongly) labelled as Jeremy Clarkson's successor on Top Gear, but I remembered that it was only last month that I wrote about Jeremy Clarkson and I've already written about online abuse, as recently as February.  In fact, I wrote about it twice.

It's not like I shy away from personal topics, either.  This might be a public blog, but I'm not averse to writing about some of the most deeply personal issues in my life, such as my experiences of emotional abuse and my sadness at not having become a mum, yet (and my worry that, seeing as I'm 32 and single, I may never do so).

But today, I just can't seem to find the right words, let alone the right subject, hence the inclusion of what I can only call a "greatest hits" list of links, above, in the hope that someone stumbling upon this blog for the first time might actually realise that I can write a coherent post, now and then.  Today just isn't the day...

Random photo, for no reason.

There are probably several reasons for my lack of brain-function when it comes to writing, today.  Firstly, I'm massively overtired.  I went to see (and MEET - still not over that!) McBusted on Friday 10th April and after that excitement, I only really had a day or so to chill out before I went off to sunny Butlin's in Minehead from Monday-Friday of last week.  Cue many late nights, probably too much alcohol and noisy neighbours who woke us up at all hours with their loud chatter, television watching and... Other stuff I won't mention.  The day after I returned home, I also went to a wedding and stayed up late after the reception, so basically: Zzzzzzzzz.

My mind is also not my closest friend at the moment, seeing as it's bombarding me with images of some poor guy I barely know, who I have quite a crush on.  I don't think I've ever said more than a passing "hello" to him, which is why said crush is so silly, not to mention the fact that he lives and works a good three hours' away.  I'm not put off by long-distance relationships, but I'm sure he's probably put off by the thought of some soppy mare who can't even bring herself to make eye contact when she's in the same room as he is...  So my conscious brain and I aren't exactly on speaking terms. 

Anyway, I sat down at my laptop, with the absolute intention of writing something decent.  And then I was distracted by YouTube.  And then by a site on which I ended up designing a birthday gift for my best friend.  And then by a local property website (because damn it, if I win the lottery one of these days, I need to know what's out there...). Procrastination is truly the greatest skill of any writer.  We might be able to put words into semi-entertaining sentences now and then, but our true talent lies in our ability to avoid doing so at all costs, on days like these.

So, my humble apologies for wasting the last few minutes of your life with this utter drivel.  But I thought it might be interesting to leave a post up online that reminds both me and my readers (if I still have any, after this...) that sometimes, we have nothing to say.  And that's okay.

McBusted Tour 2015 - a Most Excellent Adventure!

Standard gig outfit...

I may be a grown woman of 32, but there are some things in life that give me so much joy, I go right back to feeling like a kid again.  Music is one of those things.  For me, a song can change your mood, evoke memories, or simply make you want to get up and dance and that's a powerful thing.  And live music - actually getting to see the band you love playing the songs you love, right there in front of you - is even better.

Most people who know me are aware that my musical tastes can be pretty diverse.  I can go from listening to the Manic Street Preachers to the Spice Girls in the blink of an eye.  I can be humming along to a Carpenters song one minute, then playing a musical theatre show soundtrack the next.  I don't really engage in musical snobbery if I can help it - if I like something, then I like it.

Last year, my best friend Lydia and I went to Western-Super-Mare, to see a show headlined by McBusted - the supergroup formed when McFly teamed up with two out of three members of Busted.

It was on a beach and we got sunburnt, but it was EPIC.

To say that we were blown away would be an understatement.  We went there principally to watch 5ive and The Backstreet Boys.  We left with a full-blown, incurable McBusted obsession.  We nervously awaited news as to whether the band would stay together and record an album once their sell-out tour and Summer appearances were over.  Thankfully, we weren't disappointed; their self-titled debut was released in December last year and it was a magnificent pop-rock beast of an album.  Lydia and I were excited by the idea of an album, not only because it meant new McBusted music to listen to, but because we fervently hoped that an album would mean another tour.  

But how, we wondered, could they possibly top the 2014 shows?  Their first tour featured fireworks, a flying DeLorean, three huge, inflatable boobs and a crazy amount of fun.  It couldn't be bettered, surely?!

Well, this is McBusted.  And if there's one thing we've come to learn about the band we love so much, it's that they don't do things by halves.  Their brand new 2015 Most Excellent Adventure Tour (MEAT for short) won't disappoint any of their fans.  It certainly didn't disappoint us!  

What's fantastic about McBusted is the sheer level of thought that goes into everything they do.  Their live shows are no exception.  Their set for the MEAT tour was an enormous, old-school video arcade game.  Huge buttons and joysticks adorned the stage, in front of a massive screen, showing computer graphics.  And the best bit?  It wasn't just for show - the whole set was actually a playable arcade game, for which the band had to jump onto the buttons and push the enormous joysticks in order to compete against each other.  It was really impressive and added just another dimension of fun to the proceedings.

Of course, it's no good having all the fancy set and nothing to back it up with.  Music is obviously an incredibly subjective thing, but for my money, McBusted are responsible for some of the best pop-rock songs in recent years.  On the MEAT tour, classic McFly and Busted songs, such as Year 3000, Obviously, Air Hostess and Shine A Light were mixed in with the brand new, original McBusted songs from their debut album.  Tracks like Air Guitar and Get Over It already sound massive on record, but they were bloody enormous when played live!  The crowd joined in, shouting the lyrics back at the band and leaping around with delighted enthusiasm.  The band are a tight unit when playing live and their energy and showmanship ensured that everyone was kept entertained.  And if anyone doubted the musical ability of the band members themselves, they need only have heard James Bourne's gorgeous vocals on Beautiful Girls Are The Loneliest, to have been reassured that this is a band with real talent.  When James' voice blended with that of McFly frontman, Danny Jones, the result was truly stunning.

McBusted are a band that know their fans and are more than happy to come up with ideas that will satisfy them on every level.  And so it was that prior to performing Busted's Crashed The Wedding, the band held their own wedding of sorts, with Harry playing a priest (albeit a topless one) to the "bride" (Dougie) and "groom" (Matt), whilst Danny, Tom and James donned bridesmaids' dresses.  Suffice to say, the scene was greeted with sheer joy from the fans.  It's silly little moments like this that set McBusted apart - they don't take themselves too seriously.  They just want to make their live shows as much fun as possible, for themselves as well as the paying audience.  And it works, because when you can tell that a band are having the time of their lives on stage, you can't help but feel that sense of fun and enjoyment seeping into the crowd, too.  The band are open enough with their fans that it doesn't feel as though they're having a great time without the audience being involved; in fact, the crowd are an integral part of a McBusted show and the gigs are all the more enjoyable as a result.

I always want to lose myself in a live show, fully embracing the experience as much as possible, but I couldn't resist taking a few photos.  I'll post a few here, before telling you about the exciting thing that happened before the gig (yes, I'm telling events in reverse order, but there's a reason - I'm saving the best for last!)...

I'm pretty thrilled with some of the pictures I took!

And speaking of photographs...

Before the gig itself, Lydia and I were lucky enough to attend a meet & greet with the band themselves.  It was one of those moments where you almost have an out-of-body experience; afterwards, it felt like I'd watched it happen, rather than actually lived it, but lived it I did!

We were all led upstairs to a conference room, dotted with circular tables and sofas, on which sat groups of very nervous and excited fans.  Lydia and I were two of the last people to be taken into the room, so we stood, rather than sat.  After ten minutes or so, a member of staff came into the room and ushered a group of 17 people into the corridor to form a line.  Lydia and I were near the front of the line and that was when the nerves really kicked in.  Suddenly, I was minutes away from meeting one of my absolute favourite bands (not to mention my number one celebrity crush, the lovely James Bourne!).  

Our line was eventually taken into yet another conference room, but this one had a large screened area set up, which we all knew was where the band would be standing to meet fans and have photos taken.  Because we were the first group to go in, the band hadn't actually arrived yet, so every time the double doors at the end of the room opened, everyone appeared to suffer a collective heart attack as we all turned in unison to see if it was McBusted.  Finally, after what felt like dozens of false starts, the doors opened and in came Tom, Harry, Dougie, James and Matt.  A huge cheer erupted from the waiting fans, followed swiftly by cries of "where's Danny?!"  as we realised there was a band member missing.  A minute or two later, the door opened again and Danny sauntered in, with a cheeky wave to the crowd.

Lydia and I were the third or fourth pair of fans to be taken to meet the band and I almost briefly forgot how to walk as I made my way over to talk to Harry and Matt, first.  Everyone was lovely - our cheerleader outfits got a lot of attention (all of it positive!) and we had hugs from each band member, which was really nice.  Considering that the band have been doing these meet & greets every night, meeting hundreds of fans over the course of this tour, they didn't seem fed up or jaded; we were greeted with smiles and warmth and it really made the whole experience incredibly special.  It's not every day you can say you've met and had a cheeky cuddle with not one, but two people from your top ten celebrity crush list (don't judge me for actually listing them...).  

All in all, it was an incredible evening and one I doubt I'll ever forget.  The band, the music, the show... I don't think anything could have been done better.  But I'm sure if there's another album and another tour, they'll find a way to prove me wrong!  

From one very happy fan: thanks boys. 

If anyone has a spare half an hour, in which to watch two girls whooping a lot, here's the vlog that Lydia and I made.  Go on, check it out... ;-)