Don't Risk Dying of Embarrassment...

Today, Jo's Cervical Cancer Trust revealed that in a recent study, a third of women had admitted to avoiding having a regular smear test.  Concerns about body shape, appearance of genitals/pubic region and smells topped the list of reasons why women were putting off having the test.

Whilst this news is undoubtedly troubling - cervical cancer is the most common form of cancer in women under 35 - I found it depressingly unsurprising.

Despite all the massive progress feminism has made in recent years, and in spite of the empowering #metoo movement, too many women still feel pressured into trying to conform to the media's "rules" about how we should look and behave.  When we live in a world in which glossy magazines gleefully publish photos of celebrities with cellulite on show, as though it's a crime worthy of being called out in the most public way possible, it's no great shock to discover that many women still have huge problems accepting their body shape and don't want to feel vulnerable, even in front of a medical professional.

Delaying or putting off your smear test all together can have serious consequences.  I know several women who've had pre-cancerous cells picked up during a routine smear test.  Having those cells monitored - and having additional procedures where necessary - has almost certainly prevented those women from developing a disease that can be fatal.

In 2009, the death of reality TV star Jade Goody at the age of just 27, triggered an upturn in the number of women ensuring they attended their regular smear tests.  Cervical cancer was talked about openly and the government discussed bringing the age of initial smear tests for women in England down from 25 (sadly, 25 remains the age at which most women begin having regular tests).

In the years since, however, the number of women regularly attending their smear tests has decreased once more and I find that horribly frightening.

Worldwide, cervical cancer is the fourth most common fatal cancer in women.  It can lie undiscovered, with very few obvious symptoms.  Cervical cancer has the capacity to spread and to do so rapidly.  Avoiding it with a regular smear test sounds like an obvious thing to want to do, yet we find ourselves in a situation where women are actively risking their health by not attending check ups.  In fact, despite women under 35 being the most at risk of this form of cancer, Jo's Cervical Cancer Trust discovered that 61% of the women they surveyed had no idea that they fell into the age bracket most likely to contract the disease.

Are we really going to risk dying of embarrassment?!

The nurses who carry out smear tests have seen it all before, ladies, I promise.  They don't care whether you're waxed to within an inch of your life, or whether you're carrying enough fluff down there to stuff a cushion.  

It doesn't matter whether you've got wobbly thighs, or if you're not wearing your best knickers, that day.  

All the worries you have about shape, size, odour and neatness are trivial in comparison to the much bigger worries caused by discovering cancer much too late.

And it doesn't really hurt.  At least not anywhere near as much as you might be imagining.  It's not 100% comfortable, I grant you, but I've had far worse medical procedures in my lifetime.  I've had a lumbar puncture.  Believe me, a smear test is a picnic in the park, in comparison to that.  Just try to relax as much as possible (nerves won't help the situation, to be fair).

You'll also find that nurses, doctors and other medical professionals are really understanding about the reasons you might have for feeling scared about stripping off for an intimate procedure.  They'll take the time to put you at ease.  And if you have a really serious reason for being afraid - someone on Twitter earlier suggested that survivors of rape or sexual assault could have obvious problems with having an invasive, intimate procedure - talk those concerns through.  You will be taken seriously by any decent medical professional.  

At the end of the day, if what's stopping you from having a potentially life-saving, five minute check up is embarrassment, then to quote the song from Frozen, we all need to let it go.

I hate to break it to you, dear reader, but your vagina is not going to be the one that makes a nurse leap from her chair, throwing the speculum across the room in horror.  It's just not that special.  Whoever does your smear test will have seen (and, if you're worried about it, probably smelled) hundreds of female genitals before and, when they see you on the bed, they genuinely won't care whether you've got a bit of perfectly normal cellulite, or whether you have the enviable thighs and bum of a toned Goddess.  All they want to do is get the test done and ascertain whether you're healthy, or whether there might be a risk.  That's it.  They're really not going to comment on your downstairs topiary.

It's five minutes of your life - even if it is five minutes of embarrassment - to potentially save the rest of it.   So, when that letter arrives, ladies: PLEASE don't ignore it.

How Do Fake Facebook Statuses Raise Awareness Of Cancer?!

Okay, okay.  I'm about to rant about something I've ranted about before, so bear with me, folks.  It's just, like all good action sequels, THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL.

Every now and then, a "game" pops up on Facebook.  The purpose of this "game," is to confuse people by posting a status that is not true.  If someone likes or comments on that status, then HOORAY, you win at life (or something) and you get to send them a message explaining that the status was fake and now they have to post a fake status to see how many people they can drag into the "game."  And guess what, guys?  It's all to raise awareness of breast cancer (or another form of cancer, depending on the month...)!  So, you're never allowed to criticise this "game," despite the fact that it's about as entertaining and useful as filing your nails on a cheese grater and ending up shaving your fingers off.

Aaaaanyway...

Last night, a friend posted that she was pregnant.  Being a semi-decent sort of human, I commented to congratulate her.  Within minutes, the dreaded message had arrived in my inbox:

Lol, you shouldn't have commented/ or liked my last status Hahaha! Now you have to pick from one of the below and post it as your status. This is the 2016 Breast Cancer Awareness game. Don't be a spoil sport. Pick your poison from one of these and post it as your status. 1. Just found a squirrel in my car! 2. Just used my kids to get out of a speeding ticket. 3. How do you get rid of foot fungus? 4. All of my bras are missing! 5. I think I just accepted a marriage proposal online?! 6. I've decided to stop wearing underwear. 7. It's confirmed I'm going to be a mommy/daddy. 8. Just won a chance audition on America's got talent! 9. I've been accepted on master chef. 10. I'm getting a pet monkey! Post with no explanations. Sorry, I fell for it too. Looking forward to your post. Ahhh don't ruin it. (Don't let the secret out). And remember it's all for the 2016 Breast Cancer Awareness month.

I don't blame the friend in question.  It's not her fault that this ridiculousness has taken off to such a level that it pervades Facebook on an irritatingly regular basis.  She wasn't acting out of malice.  She believed that she was just playing a "game" to "raise awareness."  So, the following rant is not directed at my friend.  

But I hate this "game."  In fact, I have so many issues with it, I don't know where to begin...

Okay, actually, I do.  I'll begin with a question:  How is this raising awareness of breast cancer?  How is this helping cancer research in any way, whatsoever (especially if the damn point is that you have to keep it secret?!)?  I have never, in all my many years of existence, heard a scientist say: "Oh Heavens, no, we don't need money with which to research this disease.  What we really need more of, are cryptic Facebook statuses."

Maybe I'm asking the wrong people...

But seriously, why?  Why is this a "thing?"  

I'm aware of breast cancer.  And the funny thing is, I'm aware of it without having to post that I've just been accepted on bloody MasterChef (or that my bra is purple, or that I "like it in the hallway" or any other status that's part of some "game").  Want to know why?  Because I've known people who've had the disease.  I've known people who've survived it and I've known people - some tragically young - who've died from it.  The funny thing about about watching someone go through the pain and emotional distress of dealing with cancer in any form, is that you become pretty bloody aware that the disease exists.

The most frustrating thing is that social media genuinely is ideal for awareness-raising.  Most of us spend half our lives glued to a computer screen or a phone.  Sites like Facebook are therefore perfect for posting illustrations as to how to check your breasts for lumps, describe symptoms of various cancers that perhaps do need awareness-raising (we all know that a lump can be a sign of breast cancer, for example, but are we all aware of the other possible symptoms?), or to share details of how to donate to Cancer Research (or other cancer charities).  It's an ideal place to create an "event" to actually raise awareness and much-needed financial support - be it through a coffee morning or cake sale (like the ones being undertaken for MacMillan Cancer Support, currently), or a sponsored run etc.

And yet, we choose to "raise awareness" by posting "orange" as our status and then sending nudge-wink messages saying "ooh, quick, post the colour of your knickers, but don't tell any men the reason why - it's to raise awareness of cancer!"  Um... Is it?  How?  And why are we excluding men from the narrative?  Do they not get cancer?  Do they not have mothers, sisters, partners and friends whose potentially cancerous symptoms they should be aware of?  And just how are we raising awareness in the first place, when all we're doing is posting something cryptic or outright false?

Seriously, I'm writing all this stuff when what I actually want to ask is:

Which brings me on to the part where this became personal.

The friend I mentioned earlier has unfriended me from Facebook.  Now, again, this rant is not about her and I am in no way blaming or attacking her.  But I do want to talk about the reason for this unfriending.

If you've been paying attention, you'll have noticed that this whole thing started off with a fake pregnancy announcement.  Yes, one of the false statements you can put up on your Facebook page as part of this hilarious "game," that really does make us all so much more aware of cancer (I feel like my sarcasm is showing a tad), is that you're pregnant.

I'm 34.  I always expected to be married with kids by now.  The fact that that hasn't happened is unbearably upsetting at times and I have written about the ache of childlessness on my blog, before.  I also have friends who cannot have children for various reasons and I know the pain they suffer as a result, too.  For those reasons, I would never, ever write that I was pregnant on social media, only to reveal that it was a "joke."

Now, the friend in question posted earlier today that she was angry with people who'd apparently contacted her to tell her that a fake pregnancy announcement might be deemed insensitive to those who are trying and failing to get pregnant, those who can't get pregnant, or those who worry they'll never get the chance.  Said friend was furious that people didn't get the "joke" and highlighted that the status was "to raise awareness of breast cancer."

BUT WE ARE ALREADY AWARE.

Only a few weeks ago, I received news of the death of an old friend, from breast cancer.  We hadn't spoken in years, but the news shocked and upset me more than anything I'd heard in a long while.  No amount of statuses saying "it's confirmed, I'm going to be a mummy" would have saved that woman, who was far, far too young to die.  No amount of "I like it on the kitchen table" would have created a greater amount of awareness of the dreadful disease that killed her.  Cryptically writing "red" as a Facebook status and messaging women, imploring that they "don't tell any men" would not have raised the cash needed to increase research into finding the elusive cure for cancer.

So, I say again:

Of course, when my friend posted her annoyance at being moaned at as a result of her "I'm pregnant - actually no I'm not" status update(s), several people piped up to groan about how others needed to lighten up and stop being so sensitive.

The trouble is, when it comes to realising how our words can impact on others, being less sensitive is the very last thing we should be doing.

Then came the "oh my GOD, it's just a GAME!" responses.

In which case, you know what?  Keep it at that.  Don't make out that it has anything to do with raising awareness of cancer.  Because hiding behind the excuse of "but pretending I was pregnant and getting dozens of congratulatory messages from friends and family was all to raise awareness of this dreadful disease" just feels really, really grim.  And I would say that whoever made the "joke" or played the "game" - friend or not.  I've said it to the friend in question (and got myself removed from her friends list as a result) and I'm saying it here, in public:

Cancer isn't a game.  If you genuinely want to raise awareness, Google the symptoms of cancer and share them on your Facebook wall.  Write about it, scream about it from the rooftops if you so choose.  If you want to support Cancer Research, hold a fundraising event, or take part in one of the many sponsored events that take place every year.

The message you automatically receive if you "like" or comment on a status posted by someone playing one of these "games" tells you that you're a "spoilsport" if you don't join in.  Well, maybe I am.  But until you can prove to me that sharing these statuses is seriously doing anything to really raise awareness of cancer, or to help those suffering with the disease, it's a label I'm going to continue to wear.

The Negative Side of Positive Mental Attitude

Being a bit of a thickie, it took me a long time to understand what certain celebrities were banging on about, when they constantly put "#PMA" at the end of tweets.  I searched my brain for some album or TV show that fitted the initials, but nothing sprung to mind.  Eventually, the riddle was solved, when someone was good enough to literally spell it out: "Positive Mental Attitude."

Now, I'm all for positivity.  I see my metaphorical glass as being half-full, rather than half-empty and whenever things get me down, I try to remind myself of all the many things I have to be grateful for in life (relatively good health, a loving family and the general existence of Phil Lester, for example).  So, in theory, I have nothing against anyone who endorses positive thinking.

What an enormous 'but' I have...

There is a problem, however, when people who preach "PMA" seem to lose touch with reality.  

There's a massive difference between: "If you think positively and channel that positive energy into every move you make, you CAN pass your driving test!" And: "If you had more of a positive attitude to life, you wouldn't be suffering with cancer."

The second sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?  Nobody would suggest that a perceived negative attitude could cause a potentially fatal tumour, would they?  Except...  Well, that's exactly what TV presenter Noel Edmonds suggested to a cancer patient.

Here's the thing:  I lost both my grandmothers to cancer.  One was only 59 years old.  They were both incredibly strong women.  Fiercely loyal to their families, generous to those they loved and, yes, positive in nature (on the whole, anyway; show me someone who is constantly going around, grinning like a loon and telling everyone that life is WONDERFUL 24/7 and I will show you someone who is either lying or intoxicated).  Am I supposed to believe that they weren't positive enough?  That the tumours that killed them arose out of their own negative attitudes?!  Because screw that.  

The irony is that simply by writing this, I'm probably exuding negativity into the cosmos and therefore I'm inviting a swarm of bees into my face, or something.  At least, I suspect that's the kind of thing I'd be told by Noel Edmonds and other obsessive PMA types.

Look, I said I'm a pretty positive person and I meant it.  Have I suffered from depression?  Yes.  I've had days so black that I spent hours bumping into things because I couldn't see in front of my nose.  Metaphorically, anyway.  But I believe in myself.  I believe in my ability to recover from the down days.  I believe that I can succeed at the things I want in life, if I try hard enough.  Arguably, my mental attitude is, on the whole, much more positive than it is negative.

But I'm not a robot.  I have days when I experience any number of negative emotions, from sadness to jealousy, anger to hopelessness.  Do I focus on the good, in order to bring myself out of the bad?  Of course I do.  Again, you could argue that in doing so, I'm PMA in action.

See, such positivity.

Believing that you can achieve the things you want out of life is a great thing.  Encouraging others to do the same is also brilliant (unless you're telling someone: "of course you can build a palace out of the teeth of famous dead celebrities - it won't be weird at all and you should FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS").  There is nothing wrong with trying to remain optimistic in life and going out there, all guns blazing, ready to take on the world and win.  But there is a huge amount wrong with reaching a point where your belief in the power of that positive mental attitude starts to affect others.  The day you tell a cancer patient that perhaps their negative attitude is responsible for their illness, you've gone way, way too far.  The moment you fail to understand why someone with clinical depression can't just "snap out of it" and "look on the bright side," you've gone way, way too far.  If you find yourself losing your sense of empathy, because you can no longer understand why someone isn't just focusing on the positive at all times, you've gone way, way... Okay, you see where I'm going with this?!

There are many things in this life that a positive mental attitude can genuinely help you with.  Passing a test, winning at sport, trying new things...  Having that "glass-full" outlook can be great.  But your glass should never be so full that you can't see through it, to the people who perhaps can't find a bright side to look on.  

There are things in life that you can face with a positive mental attitude.  Cancer is one of those things.  But to suggest that cancer is caused by a person's negativity is offensive and utterly stupid.  Cancer doesn't sit in the shadows, waiting for you to have a bad day.  It's indiscriminate.  That's why it's so bloody cruel.  Equally, certain forms of depression are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain - it's not just a case of telling someone suffering with mental illness: "hey, worse things happen at sea, mate!  PMA!"  

Life, as I've learnt from experience, is short.  Nobody wants to spend their years on this planet, wallowing in misery and shutting out all positivity from their existence.  But one of the beautiful things about life is that we experience such a huge array of thoughts and feelings.  We should embrace those feelings - every single one of them - because that is how you know you're alive.  When you cry, because you're hurt - physically or emotionally - all you're doing is responding to that pain.  When you get angry and you feel that rush of adrenalin and the vein in your head starts to pulsate, it's just a natural reaction to whatever has annoyed you in the first place.  Life isn't about shutting out the negative feelings completely.  It's about learning how to deal with them in the right way for you.

So don't spend your time on Earth being a prat.

If we could all recognise that some people need a little more support and that some people are in situations that their attitude had nothing to do with, the world would be a much more positive place.