Inktober/Blogtober: Day 7

There could be no more appropriate prompt word for today's Inktober/Blogtober crossover piece than "exhausted."  That's exactly how I feel.

For almost a fortnight, I've been suffering with a cough and cold that refuses to budge.  The cough is keeping me awake at night, as I start hacking the moment I lie down.  Lack of sleep is one of those things that can be torturous for anyone, so it's no surprise that I've had a few distinctly blue days recently, particularly in the aftermath of a ten hour work shift, following a very poor night's sleep.  The trouble is, even good days can wear you out.  I had a lovely day yesterday, topped off with a fun evening, working the bar at a local gig.  I had a blast, but I am shattered, today.

Saying that you feel tired can elicit several strange reactions from people.  There are the ones who bizarrely equate tiredness with laziness and will start hopping about on the spot, telling you of the three mile jog they did at 6am and how they're still buzzing with energy, as though their vitality is supposed to either shame or inspire you into suddenly feeling perkier.

There are the people who suggest remedies for your exhaustion, as though "go to bed earlier" is a mind-blowing new concept you'd never heard of, before.

And then there are the people who view tiredness as some kind of weird competition.  You tell someone you're tired and they feel the need to explain why they're much more tired than you'll ever be...

I recently talked to a nurse, who had completed a row of night shifts.  She was running on empty; the hospital she worked at was understaffed, she'd been rushed off her feet and had barely had time for a break, plus she was in the process of trying to move house, so her home life was just as stressful as her work life.  When picking up a coffee on the way into work, she'd yawned and a woman behind her, with a buggy in tow, had scoffed: "You think you're tired?!  You want to try having kids!"

This is a pretty common thing, this myth that only parents know what exhaustion really is.  But I - childless woman that I am - feel like I'm going to just stick my neck out and say that the nurse who'd spent several nights tending to the sick and dying, before rushing home to sleep for a couple of hours  in between packing and arranging house viewings, might have been at least as shattered as that mother was, if not more so.  I will never, ever understand anyone - parent or not - who responds to someone else's exhaustion with a weird "WELL I AM MORE TIRED THAN YOU" outburst.  What are you expected to say in reply?  How is that a competition that anyone wants to win?!

Of course, if you're at home, with no immediate work commitments or plans and you tell someone you're feeling tired, one of the most common responses is: "Why don't you have a nap?"  And this is where I wish I could, but... I just can't.

Napping sounds blissful.  I would love to be able to just head to bed for an hour or two and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to get back to whatever it was I was too sleepy to get on with, before.  But I can't.  If I have a nap, I invariably wake up feeling much worse than I did prior to it.  I might enjoy getting cosy under the duvet and drifting off, but I wake up with a dry mouth, a headache and a weird confusion as to what time of day it actually is.  And the worst part?  I'm usually somehow still knackered!  

The only time a nap really helps me feel better is if I'm poorly.  And then it's less of a nap and more a case of "I'm spending the day in bed, because I'm ill."

I genuinely envy people who can nap successfully and not feel like a walking corpse when they wake up.  It's a skill I've never acquired.

Currently, after a couple of weeks of feeling physically run down (and occasionally mentally shattered), I am exhausted.  I work a fairly physical job (on a ten hour work shift, my step count is easily over 20,000 by the time I come home) and I'm required to be smiley and upbeat whilst doing it.  My feet and back ache from working the bar last night (although it was a lot of fun) and all I really want is to curl up under the duvet and have a nice, long snooze.

Instead, I'm off out to buy some petrol, because I live a deeply rock and roll lifestyle.  Just know that I'm counting the hours until I can be reunited with my bed...