Sunday, 6 July 2014

If I Only Had A TARDIS...

Long time no blog!  I know, I have been bad at keeping this up to date, recently.  There shouldn't be 3 weeks between blog entries and I don't even have an excuse.  Well, I do, but nobody's going to accept "but I was busy watching McBusted videos" as an excuse.  But I digress...

Sooo, there are only six days left until I attend my first ever Comic Con (London Film & Comic Con, to be precise) and I am stupidly excited about it.  Yes, I will be blogging about it and there may even be a video as well, but in the meantime, I thought of a perfect pre-Con question to pose myself: If I had a real-life TARDIS and could go anywhere in time and space, what would I use it for?!  The possibilities are quite literally endless, so I've decided to limit myself to a top ten.  Here goes... Geronimo!

1. I'd spend more time with these guys.  

One day, the bizarrely short jumper, baggy t-shirt, cycle shorts combo is coming back into fashion, I swear.
Admit it, your life is better for knowing there was a drink called "Flirt."

I lost my grandparents young.  By that, I mean they were pretty young (especially by today's standards) and I was fairly young, too.  By the time I was 14, they were all gone and that hit me pretty hard.  Now, I know in Doctor Who, there are probably  rules about going back and chatting to relatives who are no longer alive in the present day, but I'm also fairly certain that most of us have family we'd give an arm to have one last conversation with.  Plus, if it was my TARDIS, then I make the rules, so...  Okay, maybe there'd be some massive problems with this, but I'd do it anyway.  This is number one on my list, because without our grandparents, we wouldn't have our parents and therefore we wouldn't be here.  And I just wish I'd had time to get to know all four of mine better.  To chat to them as an adult.  To have my Paps teach me Greek!  And, of course, to say I've drunk a refreshing can of Flirt.

2. Have a word with yourself, will you?!

Dougie The Dog was my GCSE mascot.  He was incredibly cool.  As am I, obviously.

I thought about saying I'd go back to the night I met my abusive ex and stop the two of us from ever getting together.  I'd save a lot of pain for myself, after all.  But then I realised that if that relationship had never happened, I wouldn't have learnt some of the lessons I did.  I possibly wouldn't have such an incredible bond with my best friend, who stood by me and literally picked me up off the ground when it all got too much.  And I wouldn't be spending some of my time co-running a campaign that tries to raise awareness of what abuse is and why romanticising it in fiction is so dangerous.  So, after a lot of thinking, I decided that I wouldn't change that abusive relationship from happening, but I would go to see myself and tell me to end it a lot sooner.  I'd support me and encourage me to get help sooner, too.  

I'd also go back to visit 12 year old me.  The girl I was just a few years before the photo above was taken.  Because by then, she already thought she was disgustingly ugly and unlovable because of school bullies (hence Dougie the Dog being in front of my face in that photo).  I would tell her - over and over if I had to - not to believe their words.  To remember that she's a good person and that it will get better for her.  I'd sit beside her every day on the school bus if that's what it took.  That girl needed to be told how special she was, because back then, she didn't believe it in the slightest.  And as a result, I'm still not sure I fully believe it now, either.  But I'd bloody fake it so 12 year old me took it to heart.  She didn't believe her parents or her friends, but damn it, she'd listen to me.  I know all of her secrets after all!  Most of all, I'd tell her that if she doesn't find a little confidence from somewhere, she'll end up wishing she had.  God knows what she might have become if she'd had that little injection of self-belief.

3. The concerts.  OH, THE CONCERTS!

It's hard to know where to begin on this one, but essentially, my TARDIS would spend at least a month, travelling backwards in time to see all the bands and artists I wish I had had a chance to see.  The Beatles, Elvis, Buddy Holly, ABBA, Michael Jackson, the Manics with Richey, Blur in the 90's, David Bowie during the Ziggy Stardust era (and the Ashes To Ashes era), Take That at the height of their 90's fame, The Clash, Green Day at Milton Keynes Bowl, Guns'n'Roses, The Monkees, McFly's 10 year anniversary concert at the Royal Albert Hall, The Spice Girls...  I just realised I'm quite eclectic.  But anyway, yes.  My TARDIS would be a live music jukebox and I'd probably be forever coming up with gigs I wanted to go to; some from before I was born, some I just missed out on tickets for and some I was actually at, but enjoyed so much I just want to go again.  And again.

4.  Space.  The final frontier.

Captain's log:  I think I've become confused as to which TV show I'm referring to.

You might be wondering why I've left actually exploring space until almost halfway through this list.  The truth is, I know numbers 1 and 2 on this list would be more important to me and number 3 would definitely distract me from anything else for quite some time after the first two items had been checked off.  But of course I would want to go out into space.  Just to see the Earth from up there must be totally mind-blowing, never mind actually visiting other planets and seeking out other forms of life.  I mean, yeah, if I met an angry alien intent on introducing me to my own violent death, I'd be utterly useless.  My sonic screwdriver runs on batteries and it's primary function is to act as a funky looking torch.  Still, it'd be fun right up until the moment of my inevitable demise...

5. Epic past events.

Because before I die, I would like to see England actually win the bloody World Cup.

There are some things we read about in books, or see on TV years later that just inevitably make us think "I wish I'd been there."  England's '66 World Cup win would be right up there, along with VE Day and the subsequent street parties and the fall of the Berlin Wall (which I remember seeing on TV).  Not everything on my list of "epic events" would be a good thing.  Some things would be there purely because I don't think you can know what something was really like unless you've experienced it.  I'd bring history back to life for a few brief moments at a time.  The Titanic, the Blitz...  Things I learnt about at school, but never expected I could revisit.  Which brings me neatly on to...

6. Meddling.

Oh come on.  You know you'd do it.  "Hey, Mr Andrews?  I think we should insist on putting enough lifeboats on the Titanic to cover all the people on board.  'Unsinkable' is a big claim, after all..."

And they lived happily ever after.  You're welcome.

And of course I wouldn't stop there.  This is the biggest reason that I should never, ever get my grubby little mitts on an actual TARDIS, should one exist, because I would be utterly unable to stop myself from changing the course of history.  Sometimes major history, sometimes simply musical history...

"Richey...  Take six months off or something.  The boys won't mind.  Just don't go wandering off..."

"Uh, guys?  Cancel the plane.  I'll take you to your next gig."

Yes, if I had access to a TARDIS, I just know I'd be a pesky little meddler.  Which brings me to the most shallow item on this list...


Again... Come on.  You have a TARDIS.  You have celebrity crushes.  You do the maths!  It's inevitable that eventually, even the most sensible person in the world (which I am not) would think: "Hmm, I could go back in time to when this person was single," or, if they're already single: "Hmm, I could travel to a place I know they'll be and just give it my best shot and see what happens..."  

I know, right?  All of time and space and I'm thinking about bagging myself a celebrity crush as a companion.  With that in mind, these guys need to watch out if I ever get a TARDIS of my own...

Oh James.  Be mine...

8. "Regrets, I've had a few..."

We've all said or done things we wish we could take back.  To be fair, I'm sort of regretting being honest enough to admit that I'd use a TARDIS to be an inter-stellar celebrity stalker.  But there are other regrets too and I often find that the biggest ones I have are over the silliest little things.  Why didn't I just tell my mum not to go on a waltzer with me, knowing she hated them?  I'd have saved her from throwing her guts up and not being able to enjoy the rest of that particular day of our holiday.  Why did I allow my emotions to get the better of me that time and snap at my family and piss literally everyone off, rather than going to my room to take some time out?!  They're little moments that are either forgotten or no longer particularly important in the grand scheme of things.  But it's those little things that you often wish you could change.  I guess what I'm saying is... I'd use my TARDIS to make myself less of an idiot.

And on the flip-side...

9.  Voluntary Groundhog Days.

Have you ever had a day that was just so awesome, you lie in bed hoping that tomorrow is exactly the same?  Ever been to a gig that blew your mind so much, you'd give anything to go back and hear that obscure album track that you just know the band will never wheel out live again just one more time?!  I think stuff like that a lot.  In the words of the Manics, I'd use my TARDIS to "rewind the film again."

10. Hyde Park.  McBusted.  RIGHT NOW.

Oh look; there he is again!  Number 7 in my list of things to do if I had a TARDIS...

Last weekend, my best friend and I went to see McBusted.  Or, to be more accurate, we went to see 5ive and the Backstreet Boys with the added bonus of McBusted.  Well, the Backstreet Boys cancelled due to illness and I thought to myself: "I hope this gig turns itself around, because I'm a bit stressy now."  In spite of liking a lot of McFly songs (and, as it turned out, a lot more Busted songs than I remembered) and in spite of having "thing" for Danny Jones (which has been running on and off for more years than I care to mention, but which has since been eclipsed by a much, much bigger "thing" for James Bourne), I was a bit concerned that actually, I'd end up going home feeling a bit let down.  I've been a fan of the Backstreet Boys since I was 13 years old and last weekend was meant to be the first time I had ever seen them live.  And then McBusted came on.  And OMFG.

I don't know whether it was the ridiculously catchy songs, the sense of fun the band portrayed the whole time they were on stage, or the fact that by the time they came on I was sun burnt and high on ice cream, but it was quite honestly one of the most enjoyable gigs I've ever been to in my whole bloody life.  And I've been to a few. 

I jumped up and down, I sang, I made up dance routines...  It.  Was.  Epic.  

Right now, they're playing on stage at Hyde Park in front of 45,000 fans.  And I'm sitting here in front of my laptop, checking the live feed for photos and video footage.  Sigh.

So... Has anyone got a TARDIS?

It's All About You point blank refused to load.  Boo to you, Blogger.  Booooo.


  1. Ahem, your TARDIS, your rules. Remember even the Doctor changed some (and broke) some of the rules on travels. I like that you limited yourself to 10 journeys, thus essentially enough trips for a series with your Doctor. So.... if you had a 13-part series with your Doctor based on your journeys, which of the ten moments listed above would you encorporate into two-part episodes?!

  2. Well, I've replaced Danny Jones with James Bourne, so I'd just use my TARDIS to ensnare him, to be honest. ;)


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