Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Time Heals

Yep.  I've shared a Jason Donovan album track from the 80s.  I'm just that cool.

The thing is: Time, as Jason sings in his lilting Aussie accent, really heals.

I recently made a video on my YouTube channel, in which I talked about learning who I really am and realising how we change and grow over the years, even without knowing it.  As such, we can sometimes look at ourselves and suddenly notice that we're not the same person now as we were a year ago.  The experiences we go through in life have the capacity to change us and that's not something to be scared of; it's something to embrace.

As usual this morning, I was doing my mildly masochistic thing of looking at my "On This Day" memories on Facebook.  And - not for the first time, recently - I barely recognised the girl who was posting statuses just twelve months ago.

The thing is, a year ago, I was drowning.  Every single day was a struggle to keep my head above water and I couldn't see any way of things getting better.  How could I?!  My supposed best friends were all gone and nothing would ever be the same again.  

But here's the thing:  They didn't need to be the same again.  I just had to get used to a different life.  I had to go out and make that different life.

The Emma of a year ago believed that she was permanently in the wrong.  She thought she was worthy of hate, she believed she wasn't good enough.  More than anything else, she believed that she was going to be alone and depressed forever.  And I can't stress enough: Emma from a year ago?  WAS WRONG.

And if you're reading this and you're in a place where you believe you aren't good enough and that things will never get better, I promise you, you're wrong, too.  I know, I know.  Nobody believes that things will get better, when they're in the thick of things being utterly horrendous.  I didn't, so if you're reading this and you don't, I get it.

But they will get better.

We all have this inbuilt desire to fix things that are broken.  Somehow, we think if we can only stick things back together - be they objects, situations or people - everything will fall back into place, again.  The truth is, sometimes life isn't about fixing what's broken.  It's about realising that a broken thing can't always be mended and putting your energy into something else, instead.

The second I stopped trying to fix the situation that held my head beneath the waves, I started finding ways to kick a bit harder and keep myself afloat.  I slowly started to realise that there wasn't a fix.  I'd tried everything and nothing had worked.  It was time to let go.

Instead of fixing something broken, I set about building something from scratch.  Namely me and my life.  No biggie, obvs...

But everything seems scary until you do it.  And even when things are scary after you actually do them, they're usually only scary for a while, then they get easier.  Eventually, you realise you're doing things you'd put off for ages and you haven't, you know, died or anything.  It's just taking that first step that's often the terrifying part.

Of course, you can't take that first step until you're ready.  And that's where we come back to the whole "time heals" thing.  Because for one person, it might only be a few weeks before they're feeling up to moving on.  For another, it could be months or even years.  There's no right or wrong - it's different for everyone.  But it will happen.  It could happen slowly, or it could suddenly happen at all once: you'll just realise you're ready to let go and move forwards.

All I know for sure is that it does get better.  Bad things inevitably lose their impact over time - however enormous and awful the thing may be - and good things will always come along, often when you least expect it.  Learning to balance the good and bad things in life is just part of the ebb and flow of human existence, after all.

I would love to be able to travel back a year and tell 2017 Emma that she's going to be okay.  That someday, she'll look back and memories won't hurt so much.  That newer, better things are coming for her.  But what I can do is tell you.

You're going to be okay.  You're fine, you're worthy of good things and those good things are out there for you.  Keep kicking, keep holding your head up.  The tide will change.  Sometimes, you just have to wait a while.

Time heals.

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